You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 41

Kate pov...

I had sneaked out of bed early. I wanted to make Chris breakfast. He was still sleeping... I had successfully sneaked out of bed without waking him up. My whole body was sore... But i a good way... That ache that would let you know you have been thoroughly fucked... And thoroughly fucked i was... God he knew exactly which button to push... Only Chris could make me feel so good... Only Chris could make me feel so good that i was unable to think straight... 

I had woken up on his chest with him holding me tight... I needed to pee and i had wriggled my way out of his grip... After peeing i had walked to the kitchen where Dodger was moping because the door to the bedroom had been closed and he could not sleep with us. I had let him out in the yard while i started on breakfast... He had not been out long and was now watching my every move hoping i would drop some food... 

I smile and pat his head giving him a piece of bacon. "Dont tell your dad..." I whisper and plant a kiss on his head as he quickly devours the piece of bacon. "Busted..." I hear whispered in my ear and two arms wrap around me as i stand up... I smile and pull his arms tighter around me... "Oh nooooo..." I say jokingly and lean into Chris... "Goodmorning, sweetheart..." Chris murmurs and plants kisses on my shoulder, in my neck and cheek. "Goodmorning..." I whisper back leaning my head to the side and letting him continue to plant kisses all over me... 

"You are up early..." He murmurs and i smile... "Well i had a good night's sleep..." I whisper and i can feel him smirk... "How are you feeling?" He hums and i giggle... "Sore... But in a good kind of way..." I hum back and i can feel his smirk grow... "I am making breakfast..." I chirp and he turns me around in his arms and kisses me... A breathtaking kiss. "Smells great..." He murmurs into the kiss... "Good... Well, sit down and i will make you a plate..." I say pushing him playfully back and he smirks gives me a quick kiss before sitting down. 

I finish breakfast and make Chris a plate before making myself one and sitting down next to him. "Did you sleep okay?" I ask and he looks at me taking a bite of his bacon and smiling... "Sweetheart... As long as you are sleeping next to me i will sleep like a..." He says swallowing his words... I put my hand on his face and give him a small kiss... "You can say it... Sleep like a baby..." I whisper and he gives me a pained smile... "Sorry... I just dont want to..." He starts to say and i shut him up by kissing him again...

"It is okay... It is an expression... I won't break down because of the word baby..." I murmur not really convincing myself either. Chris sighs and puts a strain of hair behind my ear... "Just dont want to make you sad..." He whispers and i smile and lean against his chest... "I have to get used to it... The world does not stop because i lost my baby..." I murmur and he kisses the top of my head. 

"Talking about babies..." I mumble and i can feel him smile as he kisses the top of my head again... "Do you want to talk about what happened last night now?" I whisper and he puts his finger under my chin making me look at him... "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks and i nod slowly... "I think we should..." I whisper and he kisses me... "Okay..." He says looking at me with a smile on his face... 

I blush as i try to find the words. He smiles and kisses me again... "Shall i start...?" He asks and i nod... "Well, it is safe to say that we were not safe..." He whispers and i clear my throat... "Yeah..." I say not able to look at him... He puts his finger under my chin gently forcing me to look at him... "It is okay, sweetheart... I didn't think of it either..." He says and i let out a sigh... "I am not sleeping with you to..." I start to say, and he kisses me shutting me up... "I know, sweetheart... Heat of the moment..." He says and i nod... I had been debating on telling him something... Something i had been trying to come to terms with... I had not told anyone as it was just too painful to talk about... But if Chris and i were going to start over... If we were going to try... Even if it was day by day, he needed to know... He needed to know to make a decision if he still wanted to go on with me... Better to tell him now than when were all in and it would be harder to walk away... He needed to know... He had a right to know.

"I need to tell you something..." I say swallowing the lump in my throat... "Okay..." He says looking at me with those big beautiful blue puppy eyes... 

"The doctor... In the hospital... He... He said i might have trouble getting pregnant again... I dont know why exactly... It is all a blur..." I whisper feeling ashamed... "I need you to know... If this is going somewhere... I dont know if i ever..."I start to say and tear up as i can't say it... I can't manage to say the words... "Oh Kate..." Chris says as he seems to understand what i wanted to say... He looks at me with nothing but love in his eyes and pulls me in a big hug holding me tight... "It is okay... It is all going to be okay..." He whispers rubbing my back and i start to cry... "I might never have a baby... I might never be able to give you a baby..." I say and he holds me tighter... "It is okay..." He mumbles with a soft smile on his face and i shake my head... "You want kids..." I say and he sighs and pulls back before cupping my face with both hands...

"Listen to me sweetheart... Whatever our future holds... We will be okay... For now, we will concentrate on us... When we are ready for a baby we will go to the doctor and see what the issue is... If you can't have a baby... Well than you can't have a baby... I won't love you any less... There are other ways to have a baby... We will deal with it when we are ready for it..." He says and i just look at him through my tears... "But..." I start to say but he shakes his head... "I dont care, sweetheart... All i want is you... The rest... We will figure it out when the time comes..." He says and kisses me... "Okay?" He asks and i sigh... "Are you sure...? You can still back out... I won't blame you..." I whisper and he shakes his head... "Not a chance sweetheart... You are stuck with me..." He whispers before kissing me again and i melt into the kiss...