ATLAS
"Sana ikaw na lang talaga, sana ikaw parin."Sana nga Selene. Being with you was never been a struggle, you are so easy to be with that I couldn't help but be drawn to you more and more. Ang tanga ko na nga daw dahil hindi man lang ako nagbalak na kalimutan ka.I feel like if I had done that, I would also need to throw away those good memories. So, how could I, when you brought sunshine into my life?
That's why I don't really mind if you use me, kusa ko pa nga atang ipri-prisinta iyon sayo, oh diba ang tanga talaga? Natawa ako ng mahina sa naisip ko saka ako napatingin sa passenger seat kung saan mahimbing na natutulog si Selene.
"Iyong iyo parin talaga ako, tangi ko." Shit talaga, sinubukan ko naman.
But I couldn't lie anymore, cause everytime I see Nico? I always see Selene in her and that's really a shitty thing for me to do, especially Nicolette's feelings for me are genuine, she said it herself. So, when I told her that we should try, she turn me down.
Ano na ba gagawin ko? I tried diverting my attention through art, music and physical activities like going for a run on a treadmill or lifting weights and boxing, napuno ko na din ang kanang braso ko ng tattoos dahil puta kahit pansamantalang break-up lang hiningi ko, hindi ko inasahang ganon pala kalala yung sakit na mawala siya. So everytime I feel that familiar pain, I add more ink, sa palagay ko nga naging coping mechanism ko na siya.
Kaya pagkatapos ng ilang buwan, hindi ko na natiis na wala yung liwanag sa buhay ko.I was sinking deeper into depression, and without Selene, no matter what coping mechanism I tried, I wasn't living—I was merely breathing.
Even if witnessing her fall for someone who isn't me seems like a better option than not having her around anymore.
Ipinark ko ang aking kotse sa paradahan nila at tunay nga ang kanyang sinabi na wala si Tita Aiko dahil wala dito ang kotse niya. Bumaba na din agad ako at nagpunta sa kabilang dulo para buksan ang pinto ng kotse at gisingin si Selene. Medyo nag dalawang isip pa ako pero hindi ko din kasi hawak ang susi ng bahay nila kaya't marahan ko siyang ginalaw. "Tangi ko, gising na." Pabiro kong bulong sa tenga niya.
"Hmm bwisit ka talaga, Ford. Buhatin mo na lang ako please." Medyo paos niyang turan na nakapikit parin.
"Pabebe ka naman, bakit baby ba kita?"
Tinulak niya ako palayo sa kanya saka umirap. "Wag kang tatabi sa akin ah? Naaasar ako sayo."
"Bakit pumayag na ba ako na dito matulog?" Ngisi ko at inantay siyang makalabas dahil inaayos niya pa ang mga nagkalat niyang gamit sa sasakyan ko.
"Edi wag! Hindi kita kailangan."
"Totoo?"
Natawa ako ng bigla siyang naging alerto at medyo lumaki pa ang magandang mata niya. "Joke lang."
"Ayaw kitang katabi naaamoy ko yang lalaki mo."
"Ang bango bango kaya." Pout neto at tuluyan ng lumabas sa kotse saka hinanap ang susi ng bahay nila sa pouch ng bag niya.
Pinagmasdan ko siya habang nakabulsa ang aking mga kamay sa aking pantalon, at may ngiting naglalaro sa aking labi. Hindi naman na surpresa sa akin kung inaaya ako ni Selene minsan na matulog sa kanila, lalo na pag wala si Tita Aiko, mukha lang tong ang tapang-tapang pero takot din talaga mag-isa.
Sino ba namang hindi diba? Lahat naman tayo may kinakatakutan, at minsan kailangan mo lang nang taong sasamahan ka sa takot in order to get through that fear.
Nang mabuksan niya ang pinto ay humarap siya sa akin, ang tanging ilaw lang namin ay iyong automatic light nila sa kanilang garahe, pero kitang-kita ko ang pagbabago ng kanyang mga mata. "Tell me honestly, Selene." Unti-unti akong lumapit sa kanya.
"Why do you want me here tonight?" Napasinghap siya nung hinawakan ko siya palapit saking katawan at tumama ang kanyang likod sa pintuan. Ibinaba ko ang aking mukha and nuzzled her jaw. "I don't like this on you, Selene. Take it off."
"Kaya ko nga sinuot para maiwasan ito." Tinignan niya ako ng masama pero hindi siya gumalaw para itulak ako palayo.
"Do you think this will stop me? Will stop us?" Lumayo ako konti para makita ang buong ekspresyon ng mukha niya. "We'd been doing this since that secret santa shit. What we had was history, but does that stop us? No."
Matalim parin ang tingin niya sa akin, pero kita ko sa kanyang mga mata na malalim ang kanyang iniisip. Nanatili akong nakatayo sa harap niya, hindi ko naman pipilitin kung ayaw niya, I know how to draw a line between us if she doesn't want it, then I respect her decision. But damn stupid moths are still attracted to that burning fire. "It's wrong. I already like someone else at ikaw din kay Nico diba?"
And that's the fuel for the fire. Selene and I are too selfish toward each other. Jealousy is indeed powerful; it drives you without regard for the risks or consequences. It's like a basket with a hole: no matter how much you try to fill it, it's never satisfied until you recognize the source of its thirst and finally quench it.
But then, nothing in this world can satisfy anyone, Selene is my exemption though, the only antidote. It may not quench the thirst but she stops the longing.
"I'm gonna ask you again, does that stop us? We could have stopped the first time, but we didn't." I held the side of her face and slowly leaned down when she stopped me, humawak siya sa aking dibdib at iniwas ang kanyang mukha.
"Stop it, Atlas," she said, looking into my eyes. She looked so small compared to me, and it drove me crazy how stimulating she looked, gazing up at me with her big brown eyes and long lashes fluttering.
Hinawakan ko yung kamay niyang nakahawak parin sa akin. I placed it on the side of my cheek and gave her palm butterfly kisses. "Flirt with me, then break my heart; damn, I don't care. I'm down bad every night you call me, Selene."
One of these days we'll regret this, but do we even care what the outcome will be? Wala na rin siguro talaga akong pakialam o nasisiraan lang talaga ako ng bait pagdating sa kanya, hindi na alam kung ano ang tama o mali. But as long as I can still show how much I want her, how I'm longing for her, how desperate I am to have her and love her, fate may backslide on me, but damn, I won't regret every minute I'm with this woman. Of that, I'm convinced.
"Pagkatapos nito, walang nangyari."
Hindi ko napigilang ngumiti at mahina kong inulit ang kanyang sinabi bilang pag kumpirma. "Walang nangyari, Selene."
BINABASA MO ANG
If you only knew
Short StoryIn which Selene (Lalisa) finds herself stuck in a love triangle between her friend, Calixto (Taehyung) who is still trying to move on from his ex and her ex, Atlas (Jungkook) who keep confusing her with his actions. A Taglish (Filipino) Taelicekook...