I loved you.
I thought you loved me, too.
I thought it was not de-lulu.
The reason I woke up, was for you.
The reason I slept, was for you.
I held on, for you.
I have this greed, to see you happy.
I see you happy, with me.
I realise, I want to see you happy, even if it isn't with me.
I hope that if you are happy without me, god keeps you far far away, from me.
I thought the things we had, were true.
The moments we shared, were true.
The stares, were true.
But, I was wrong.
You never cared about me the way I did.
Day in and day out, all I thought about, was you.
All I wanted, is the best for you.
Your friends, they way they stared, made me feel like I was on the 7th heaven, because ofcourse, I thought, that meant something.
I thought, I meant something.
Turns out I didn't.
Turns out all the moments we shared meant nothing
.Everything we had, meant nothing.
Maybe it was all my fault.
Maybe I should have never gotten attached.
Maybe I should have loved u.
But, not loved you like this.
I regret everything.
All I ever seeked for, was for your love.
All I ever wanted is you.
I did so many things, not to make my parents, relatives or my friends proud.
I did it to make you proud.
Whenever I achieved something, I always wanted you to be there.
But, you werent.
Maybe because you did not know about the love I had for you.
I have had a lot of demons in my past.
You made me feel like you understood.
I got that sense of security and comfort which I longed for.
I got my friends annoyed, with constantly hearing your name, day in and day out.
While I sit and wonder....
Where, I went wrong.
Are you telling me, all those incidents in the past were.... " just friends "
Am I crazy for thinking they were not something except just friends.
Because just friends do not support, love and comfort each other the way we did.
Because just friends do not fucking end up in the same shower together, right next to each other, do they?
Because just friends do not get awkward when left alone and not knowing what to talk about, do they?
Because JUST FRIENDS do not love each other, the way I thought we did.
Why? Why do your friends stare at me like that if I do not mean anything to you?
Why do they smirk?
Why do they look at you smiling, when I am around?
Why do they push you from behind or push you on the shoulder, from the side?
Or am I just being de-lulu again.
I never loved you for your looks.
I always loved you, for you.
You gave me a sense of comfort and security, which no one else could.
When I was with you, I felt at home.
I felt like I did not need to keep my guard up, fucking right up in the air and I felt fucking free, to just be myself.
Was that just being a good friend?
Why do you show that you love me so much in person, but why do your texts show the opposite?
Are you just a dry texter?
Or do you not just love me?
Am I over-thinking? Definitely.
I will forever love you.
I can not imagine a future with anyone else, but you.
I just want the best for you.
I am honestly, nothing without you.
I love you. I forever will.
I, so badly, want to put your initial, but again, yet, Im afraid.
