What does it mean to be happy?
Is happy what we feel when we get praised?
Is happy what we feel when we win?
Is happy what we feel when we get awards?
Is happy what we feel when we smile?
We can't be truly happy.
Not when we keep failing.
Not when we always lose.
Not when we aren't the best.
Not when we can't even smile.
How can we ever be happy?
When there are monsters in our homes.
When our enemies are close.
When those we hate are those we love.
When those we love don't love us.
Why can't they acknowledge me?
Do I lack in something?
Am I not up to their standards?
Am I not worth their time?
Why am I alive?
Why did I ever strive to live?
I can't even live properly.
I can't even love properly.
I can't even think properly.
I can't even say I love you properly.
Why even try in life?
So I can make her happy?
So I can see her smile?
So I can hear her voice welcome me home?
So I can stand proud beside her?
I don't see the merit in living a long life.
I don't want to live when I can't be with her.
I don't want to see my face in the mirror anymore.
I don't want to burden her anymore.
I don't want to bother or annoy her.
I don't want to be here anymore, but I don't wanna lose the chance to love her.
Why can't I love properly?
Why can't I be happy?
Why can't I be normal?
Why can't I.. Why can't I?
I don't want to lose you, but loving is so hard when I've never truly felt love.
Not even from this so-called family I have.
They aren't my family.
They are the voices in my head telling me to die.
They are the monsters under my bed.
But please, never stop loving me.
I don't wanna lose you, and then lose myself afterwards.
I want to live a long life with you.
But a life without you isn't worth living.
YOU ARE READING
Where are the answers I seek?
Random|There is no true rest. We can never truly rest. Not with these demons in our nest.|
