Can We Be More Than Friends?

"We are just friends"

As the candle flickers in my dark room, I look down at old messages between me and her, I realize that she was always there in my life no matter what. I had never thought of her in such a way until the time I was asked a question that left me fumbling over my words.

"Would you ever date her?"

"No," I replied

"But why not?"

"Because that's weird, she's my friend," I say

"That's not a real reason. That's just an excuse."

After a bit of back and forth, we dropped the subject and continued on to playing video games, but then that night, I sat in the dark, unable to sleep as my mind wandered to the question. I think about it and I can't come up with any other reason aside the fact that we are simply friends and have almost always been then at some point during my thoughts I started to see her in a different light.

Instead of my silly friend who I enjoy hanging out around, I start to see her as the beautiful girl she is.

Now, over the course of a few weeks, I fought against these feelings because I was confused until this previous week, in which something snapped within. I had fallen madly in love with her in an instant.

The next day I was so excited to see her and her beautiful blue eyes that make it seem like a calm, clear ocean is just over the horizon, her wavy blond hair that sways as she moves, almost like a garden of beautiful sunflowers exists right infront of your eyes and her smile, a smile that always told you that it would all be okay, a smile that makes you happy and causes butterflies to startle your stomach.

In our past, we were barely teenagers, really just dumb kids who had dated for a short span of time. I had unfortunately ended the relationship due to unforseen circumstances, but we had always remained good friends throughout the next years and not once had I considered her anything more than my silly ole friend, but now things are different.

Now I lay here on my bed thinking about her, writing about her, and hoping one day we could lay in the same bed just cuddling for hours on end, but yet deep in my heart I know it is impossible for it to ever happen. We are just friends, and it seems we will always be. Now she has a crush, I know it is not on me. No matter what, I can not fathom her ever showing a romantic interest in me simply because we are just friends.

Now I sit here prepared to leave all my feelings behind, no matter how much I love her I couldn't dare risk ruining our friendship. I am simply writing this to release all my feelings one last time... and then to lose them forever.

I love you, beautiful.