The Price

'POUND, POUND, POUND!'

The pounding increases, gaining in violent intent, and sounding more and more like my death call. I've wished for my own death in the past. I deserve death. I realize that now. And this is it.

Air is far and few inbetween. With each minute I can feel the air leaving me. When will this nightmare end? As the blood curdling screams continue outside I am reminded that the only way to escape this Hell is to go to Hell. Given my troubling life choices I know that Satan is waiting for me. Him along with all the men I've wronged, waiting for me so they can take their vengeance.

When you become close to death, sudden clarity hits you. I wish I could've had that clarity hours earlier. But now it's far too late. I must accept my horrifying fate. I have nothing to protect myself. I must face the very thing I fear the most, my own demons.

The small room that holds me will in the end serve as my coffin. I've wasted many of my years in this room. Watching life pass by, being only a spectator rather than a meaningful part of my own life.

I've sat in the passenger seat on the ride that is my life for far too long. My realization has arrived much too late. This seems to be a pattern in my life, I don't learn until it's too late to do anything about it.

I've created these abominations with every horrible act I've released onto humanity. I've done some pretty bad things, it looks as if they're finally catching up to me. I have to pay for my horrid actions. I always knew this day would come, I just hoped I could postpone it as far as possible.

As the claws scratch upon my door and roof I am reminded of all my horrendous actions, I deserve to die. I'm a horrible person. I killed my own daughter. All a sad attempt at pleasing the voices that forever torment me. I just wanted the pain to be gone.

I brutally stabbed her in broad daylight. Her screams and pleads for mercy will stay with me for the rest of my life. I remember watching her face turn into sheer terror as she realized her own dad was going to kill her violently.

The last words I ever spoke to her were a spine chilling, "I'm sorry Anne, I really am. The voices are making me, I have to. I hope you can understand."

When the voices didn't stop it drove me to madness. My daughter's voice joining the choir of horrors screaming at me. I will forever hear her screams crying out at me, "DADDY PLEASE! NO!"

Perhaps this is all an illusion, created by the voices to torture me.

They want me dead, constantly yelling at me to just end it all. They say it's the only way to stop this hell. I'm beginning to believe them. Maybe I should let them rip me to shreds, perhaps I should just give up. The demons I have created may be my saving grace.

I can't breathe anymore. It feels as if I am underwater slowly, painfully drowning. I can't get out of this tomb that I've built myself.

Banging on the walls I beg for my release.

"BANG, BANG, BANG!" I'm given an answer I guess.

Screams bellowing out at me, begging for death. Everybody wants death, that is until you're staring it down in a winner take all situation.

Interrupting my thoughts, a flash enters the room. It's blinding. The flash hits the whole room casting a horrible yellow everywhere, excluding a devilish shadow in the center of the room.