𝐇𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄 - Hazbin Hotel

why do you baby me so much??

Lucifer really wished Heaven would stop leaving him out of the loop when it comes to important shit. Like he gets it, they hate him. Whatever, he dosent like them all that much either. But he thought they could at least be civil with one another when it concerns extremely important matters.

Guess not. Figures.

Turns out the people upstairs never stopped creating new ideas for humans just because he was cast out. Which, cool, whatever. He actually sometimes enjoys seeing the new things they come up with over the centuries.

But..

Classifications..? What the hell even are those?

They were created a few months back for reasons Lucifer would probably never have explained to him. All he really knows is that when a human reaches a certain age they might start exhibiting certain traits of one of four things: Caregiver, Little, Owner, or Pet. If they exhibit none of those traits, then they are a Neutral. It ends up being pretty obvious what classification they fall into after a little while, and they are treated accordingly by other humans. This is one of.. uh.. many of heavens creations that he just doesn't understand the need for. How will this benefit humanity at all?

What surprised him though was that when a person dies, that classification follows them to their afterlife.

Like.. why ?

He's happy he had the foresight to start putting spies up on earth that give him updates on humanity (if anything worth his time is happening), or this would've caught him completely off guard. Fucking Heaven never wants to tell him anything , which leaves him to deal with the consequences of being completely unprepared. But he could almost guarantee that Heaven is prepared for this. To deal with.. adult... children? And people that act like dogs..? Okay seriously who came up with this shit-

"Luci? Are you still working?"

Lucifer blinks owlishly as he remembers where he is. Putting on a small smile, he looks over at where his beautiful wife was standing by the door of his workshop.

She looked a bit worried.

"Uh- Yeah. This situation is just.. uh, unique? And very dangerous. Also, get this, it turns out that hellborns are starting to experience these 'traits' aswell, meaning they might start having classifications. So it's just.. a very time consuming thing to worry about." He rambled, looking down at the notes he had scribbled out on how to protect the vulnerable and limit the powerful. It was stressful because the population of them was rising so fast, and he could already see all the terrible things that could happen if laws weren't placed down quickly .

Lilith hums quietly in sympathy, coming over to stand by her husband and take a peek at his notes, "Why don't we bounce ideas off of each other, darling? I've seen some of these sinners with 'classifications' and watched how they behave, so I have a bit of an idea of what to do with them." She spoke softly, wrapping an arm around the King's shoulders and leaning down to kiss the side of his head, "There's no reason for you to do this on your own, my love."

While Lucifer would very much prefer to do this on his own, as to not burden his wife with extra work when she already does so much for this kingdom, he knew that she wasn't really asking. She was worried about him working so much and sleeping so little, and this was her way of stepping in and letting him know that he wasn't alone in this.

"Alright, Lili. That's a great idea." His smile turned a bit more genuine, ever so grateful for his wife looking out for him.

And so they sat and talked for a couple more hours about what to do with this situation, coming to better conclusions after comparing notes.