D.M. Hate.

Ch.1

A/N
This chapter is not gonna be very entertaining cause Im js working on intro stuff atm but I swear it gets better!

Playlist:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1f3rcory16UUY2obI8YVCR?si=f623c9c72c524c6a

Sitting on the train, I could feel the tumble of the tracks hitting the wheels like a pounding heart waiting to be held.
There wasn't much I could find to occupy my mind but the anxiety filling my chest, so I spent some minutes just relishing on that. I didn't find satisfaction in the feeling, but there was some soft comfort in expecting the worst, rather than being hit by it without warning. The past five years at Hogwarts hadn't been anything if not an escape from parts of my life, but somehow the actual act of returning to that place made my mind go into areas that were completely unreasonable. Of course, throughout summer break, the thought of going back was irksome and somewhat terrorizing, but at the very core of it I could not wait to return. I came to that conclusion by the end of every inner debate and my chest felt lighter at last.
I heard a knock on my compartment door, pulling me from my thoughts. I glanced over to see who it was but the door didn't open, and I realized I never unlocked it after changing. Quickly, I moved to unlatch and open it.
"Hi," I said, as I looked at the visitor.
"Hi," it was Malfoy.
I moved aside and returned to my spot in the corner, pulling my knees back up to get more comfortable again. I took out my sketchbook and propped it on top of my knee with a pencil in hand.
After sketching some, I peaked up to see Malfoy also looking up from his book at me.
"You're Maeve, right?"
I nod.
"Oh," he smiled softly, "My name's Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."
He went back to reading.
"I know."
He stopped reading again, "hm?"
"Your name," I clarified, "I already knew it."
"Oh," he chuckled, "sorry."
"No need. Where are your friends?"
He raised a brow, "where are yours?"
"Sorry, I hardly see you without those guys, it's odd."
"No I understand," he smiled, "I almost forgot I could be on my own for a second, too."
I snorted a laugh, "Do you get tired of it? Never having space?"
"Sometimes, but it isn't like I'm constantly around them, y'know. I just choose not to be alone when there's groups around, I'd stick out pretty poorly."
"I s'pose," I said, thoughtfully, "But have you ever made a point to notice who was on their own?"
He tilted his head at that, closing his book and putting it to the side of his leg, "I- I guess not, I hadn't thought of that really."
"But I s'pose I did notice your friends weren't with you just now, so you're probably right."
"Maybe, but I didn't find it strange that you were on your own."
I snorted again, "I wonder why."
"What do you mean?"
"Have you ever seen me not on my own, Malfoy? Or should I ask if you've even seen me at all?"
"I have," his face was serious for a second before breaking out into a grin, "I swear I have, but I don't remember ever seeing you with anyone else now that I think of it."
"Exactly."
He leaned back on his seat, turning his chin up and staring at the ceiling of our compartment.
The rest of the train ride was silent and I was able to continue drawing over the entire sheet before arriving.
We both got up at the same time and Malfoy moved to open the door for me before I could reach it.
I carried my bags out and began looking for a carriage.
"Maeve!" I heard my name being called and turned around to see my friend, Gretchen, waving me over.
"Gretchy!" I beamed when I reached her.
"Come on the carriage with me?" She offered, pointing at one of the carriages that a few of her friends were on already.
"Yeah, thanks, gimme a sec."
I put my sketchbook into my satchel before heading for the opening of the carriage, with Gretchen already inside.
Sitting down next to her friend, Caroline Greenfield, we began the ride to Hogwarts once more. The ride was different from the train in that this group was in a bubbly state with excitement for today's events, there wasn't a second of silence. I attempted a few times to add to the conversation but I'd never been good at holding people's interest so I ended up listening for the most part. I also never minded that fact normally. It bugged me sometimes that I could be infatuated with a topic brought up but somehow be wound up speechless and incapable of engaging at all with a person. Caroline, next to me, had always been pretty and kind and I felt as though if I'd only inherited her genes I could maybe have a similar place in the popularity status, but I'm not sure I'd like it anyway. It'd be stressful. I hoped Caroline felt differently because she was never meant for the shadows. I'd have liked to consider Gretchen's friends my own too, but I'd hardly been able to maintain what I had with her, individually, so there was no hope for that.
In the Great Hall, each student took their seats, and I made my way to sit at the Hufflepuff table. Gretchen and a few of her friends found another group of their friends so they'd gone to the opposite end of the table. There wasn't room. I glanced over the bronzy head of hair sitting in front of me to see Malfoy doing the same. I swiftly put my head back down.
After the meal and sorting, and Harry Potter having his big show in the middle, the students were all ordered to their common rooms. I wasn't a rule breaker but I also felt that this moment could be more useful in the library.
I headed along the corridors with my head down, sometimes planting my back to the wall if I heard footsteps. At last I made it but of course I had to work again to sneak past the librarian. I was successful.
I went looking for a quiet corner— which was pointless since pretty much the whole purpose of a library is that it's an entire room of silence — and found it in the very back near a small table and a few chairs. I began sketching again, finding things around me to examine with my drawing. I hadn't given a lot of thought toward the ordeal with Voldemort or the many death eaters that supposedly have been roaming around unseen, but I remained terrified nevertheless. Gretchen pressed me about the fact that I never spoke of it and was so upset at the fact that I couldn't utter a word on how it made me feel. She believed I was emotionless and cold, "not at all what we hufflepuffs stand by", as she said. In reality the entire idea was terrifying to me, so I refused to give much thought to it. Whenever I did, it ended with a complete meltdown as if this impending doom were to suck the entire world into nothing within a matter of seconds from now. Having someone like Harry Potter with all of this huge responsibility on his shoulders— and I refused to believe Dumbledore did anything to ease the weight— was relieving of course, but it made me feel so inexplicably guilty and horrible for him. I always wished I were one of courage or charity so that I could somehow be of use to him, but I knew that I wasn't capable. I wasn't in Ravenclaw so I had no valuable intelligence, I wasn't in Gryffindor so I had no courage, and I wasn't in Slytherin so I had no confidence in what I might be capable of doing. And even though I was in Hufflepuff, it seemed as though even my kindness was lacking. I'd wound up completely useless.
I hadn't heard the footsteps, I heard his clearing throat in front of me.
"Hey," he knelt down and crossed his legs beside me to look over my shoulder at the sketchbook.
"Hi," I cleared my throat in discomfort.
"A swan? I think I've seen one just like that before."
I nodded, "it's the one on the spine of that Book of Birds, right over there," I pointed.
Malfoy smiled at me and hummed a response.
I closed my sketchbook and turned myself so that we both sat facing one another on the floor.
"Why aren't you in your dorm?"
"Why aren't you?"
"Why do you deflect my questions?"
"Why do you keep deflecting mine?"
"It isn't funny anymore, Malfoy."
We stared into each other's eyes for a second.
"Alright, I wanted to look for a book early on so I have more time to study. What about you?"
I furrowed my brow, "well, I wanted to experience the full silence of this place before everyone— including myself— starts looking for potion reference books."
"What's your last name?"
"Why?"
"Cause I would like to know for the future," he winks.
"Why?" I grin.
He turns his head up in frustration, "Merlin, I don't know, it's just something people should know about each other I suppose." He was smiling broadly now and I'd only just noticed then that he looked tired. My smile drops. I could feel that tightness in my chest and my face knit, and I couldn't. I shouldn't care or invest or something might start.
" It's not important and I wish you wouldn't pester me about it." It hurt to say but I couldn't tell him without acknowledging that he'd know my name and he asked and cared, and I couldn't let him care.
His demeanor changed and he shifted slightly, "what? I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"
I stood up, pulling my things to my chest and began walking away, "No, I just don't really know you and it feels too personal." I wasn't making eye contact when I started away.
I didn't hear his response if he had one at all.
I found my dorm and saw three girls sitting and talking on one of the beds. Lily Fawn, Ophelia Jane, and another girl who I recognized from the sorting as a transfer student from Beauxbatton, named Jezebel Fairfax. I knew Lily and Ophelia because we all shared a room since first year, but I was unfamiliar with Jezebel, besides her name. She was very pretty and had silky black hair with a blunt fringe. It was adorable.
"Maeve!" Lia screeched when she and Lily looked up from whatever heavily invested conversation they were having with Jezebel. She ran to hug me, Lia trailing after, and I felt my chest spark.
"This is Jezebel, but we've just started saying Bells cause it's easier." Lia said, Lily nodding, and both gesturing to Jezebel.
"Hi," I smiled, tilting my head to peek around the L's. She waved shyly— if you could curtsy with the movement of a hand, that's what it'd be.
They dragged me to the bed they were all sat on but before I could move to sit, Lia paused.
"There's not enough room to be comfortable."
Lily perked up, "let's move my bed closer so we'll have more room!"
"Oh, that's okay I don't—" Lia cut me off.
"It wouldn't be any trouble, Lily and I were going to move it over anyway."
So, in a minute or two, we all were bundled up in a pile of blankets and pillows and settling in.
"So, Maeve," Lily started, "is there any reason for why you got in so late?" She wiggles her brows which made me smirk.
"Only the library," I said in a suggestive tone, mimicking her expression.
Her shoulders slumped, "Oh Merlin, Maeve, you cannot be serious."
"Yeah, Mae, you have to not be so boring its... boring."
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes with a laugh.
Bells giggled and I shot her a teasing glare.
"So, Bells, what made you change schools?" I asked.
"Her parents have a super secret important—"
"Lily!" Lia scolded her, "she was asking Bells, not you. Go ahead Bells."
"Oh—erm—well, she's right except I don't know about it being all that important (especially in the wizard world since they're 'just muggles'). It's only a secret from me."
"Oooh cool— I mean, are you upset about it at all?" I inquire.
She smiles to reassure my doubtful expression, "Not really. I mean, I had a few good friends but I never got close enough to be missed if that makes sense."
I nod. Exactly. Total sense, total exponential sense, "No I get that a lot, truly, you said it really well, you seem smart." She blushed.
Lily stares blankly at me, "I would miss you! What do you mean by that?"
"Lily, she doesn't mean you wouldn't miss her, she's just saying that nobody loves her, which is true." Lia holds a complete straight face before Lily bursts out laughing, causing us all to laugh along with her.
"Im teasing, obviously. Everyone loves you, Maeve, you have nothing to be afraid about in terms of that stuff."
"I love you too, Lia, but I wasn't meaning that I had zero friends, just that you all have somebody already and I'm certain that even if I was missed, you'd all be okay nonetheless."
She looked at Lily meaningfully, and back at me, then nodded.
"You're right. Not about us being okay if you weren't around, but it does seem like you don't really have a person. You have us, but I know how important it is to me that I have that one singular person, out of everybody, who I can lean on."
I heard sniffling and looked to see Lily wiping her eyes, "sorry— ugh, merlin, I'm just so happy we're all together again."
I tap my index on her knee once. I wasn't good at comforting but Lily had a very sensitive heart and almost any form of kindness touched her soul.
"Whatever, keep talking guys, I hate being a mood killer." She said with a quivering voice.
We reassured her that her tears were no reason for us to feel uncomfortable.
I turned to Bells again, "did you say your parents were keeping their job secret from only you?"
She nodded, "yeah, it's kind of an odd topic but basically my mom moved here because she has family close by and my dad is still over at home— er— I guess it's not really home," she clears her throat, "But erm, based on how things have been recently, I've suspected they are getting a divorce and they just want to bide time until they absolutely have to tell me or have figured out whatever it is that is setting them back, I suppose."
"Wow," I say, "do you mind me asking how that's been for you?"
She shakes her head, "no not at all. It's been not so great but I can see what they might be thinking and feeling because I've pretty much been witness to their marital issues all my life so it's understandable that they would want to split, especially now since I am almost old enough to have moved out and will no longer 'need' happy married parents at home."
"Hm, you sound at ease with it all, I'm glad for you."
"Yeah. Of course it was weird at first but now it doesn't really bother me, except the fact that they are refusing to admit to me that it's going on, like I'm some toddler."
I gasp, "you're not?!"
"I don't think so!" She pretends to give herself a quick self examination, in terror of what the results might be.
I'd been so intent on listening to Bells' answers that I hadn't realized that both Lia and Lily were having their own whisper session. I remember in past years when we roomed together, this was a normal occurrence. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, seemingly for no reason at first, then I'd listen more closely and realize that they had taken a flashlight beneath their covers and spent the entire night talking. It only bothered me in first and second year when I'd see Lia's dark circles in the morning because I felt as though I'd missed out on something important. But once I met Gretchen I started to get my mind off of that lonely feeling. We became friends in year two during charms class when we both made a comment about changing pots into humans like in the muggle story Beauty and the Beast. I had not met a witch or wizard who had ever heard of the muggle fairy tale until then, and it seemed as though neither had she. After that point, we spent a lot of our time talking about other books we'd read or what we thought about the events going on (mostly the ones surrounding Harry Potter and his trio) at the moment. We were almost inseparable except for the fact that we weren't. I never confronted the idea with her about the lack of effort in our friendship because I was pretty sure that it wasn't as serious as I made it out to be in my head and that maybe I had completely overestimated the actual relevance of our friendship in her eyes.
"Do you think they'd notice if we just talked about them?"
"Maybe, I don't think they would," I respond, skeptically.
She giggles and we both begin making wild fictitious accusations about the two, waiting for either of them to catch on. It took a solid minute before they realized and Lily started throwing pillows at us. We ended up staying up until three in the morning before Lia claimed she wanted to start the semester fresh and if she went to bed at that exact second she would get the minimum amount of hours of rest for her to function properly.
So we did.

A/N
Sorry it's pretty boring so far, I just need to get the introductions out there and stuff before things can actually start happening!<33