I Love You Still

Chapter 5. Mysterious people

I hear dad and Jenny gasp and mam whispers. ''It's you.... we didna think.... nor expect...''

''Dougal,'' I say softly and he grins. ''Aye my lad, it's me! Yer amazing uncle is back,'' he says enthousiastic and Jenny snorts. ''Just uncle is enough,'' she whispers and I laugh. Dougal shoots her an angry look. He and Jenny never got along. It was fine between them until Dougal decided that Jenny was too 'girlie' (his words not mine) and beheaded her dolls. I tried to put them back together but I couldn't so I bought her new ones. Ever since then Jenny disliked Dougal very much and he wasn't fond of her either.

Mam takes a step forward and gives him a short and awkward hug. ''Come on Ellen, I'm yer brother, surely I deserve a better hug then that,'' he complains and Mam simply shakes her head. ''I think we deserved a better family member, ye dropped us all when we needed you Dougal. The second you could slip away after Claire's death ye did. The second ye could slip away after both Jocasta's husbands died. We are yer family, ye should be there for us, so no Dougal, ye dinna deserve a better hug,''

Everyone is stunned by Mam's outbreak. Yes Mam has a verra strong opinion but she never outs it, not in public. ''Should we go home? I'm getting hungry and everyone must be waiting,'' Dad suggets after a few minutes of awkward silence. ''Aye, good idea,'' Jenny says gathering all our stuff.

''Did ye come alone?'' I ask Dougal and he shakes his head. ''Nay, I brought Jocasta wi' me, but she was a wee bit tired so she stayed at Lallybroch when we went there to look for everyone,'' I nod and Mam looks delighted to know Aunt Jocasta is at home. ''Jamie, will ye go wi' me in my car? I need tae speak to ye about something,'' Dougal asks and everyone tenses up. Dougal doesn't normally ask you something unless he wants yer help. ''Aye,'' I mutter and give a reassuring nod towards Mam, letting her know it's alright.

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''So what did ye need to ask me, Uncle?'' I ask after five minutes of driving in complete silence. ''How long has it been since ye have lain wi' someone?''

I'm surprised by the question and take a breath. ''The last time was September 25 2007, why?'' He looks shocked by my answer and glances at me. ''Jamie, Claire died September 27 2007,'' he says and I nod. ''I ken that, Uncle. Ye dinna need to tell me that,''

''Ye havena lain wi' a woman at all since Claire died?'' he asks in disbelief and I nod. ''I havena even thought about it,'' Dougal scoffs and I glare at him. ''Why Uncle? Am I supposed to fuck every woman I see? Like ye do?''

''I don't fuck every woman I see, Jamie,'' he says angry. ''But come on, it's been almost 3 years, ye must move on. Aye she was a great person but she isn't that amazing that after 3 years ye still grief over her like it was yesterday,''

Tears sting in my eyes and I take deep breaths so I don't break down. ''Mebbe ye dinna ken what true love is Uncle, but if ye feel what I felt for Claire, what I still feel for her, ye wouldna say that,''

''Right, because only you and Claire were able to love eachother so dearly,'' he says with an annoying voice. ''Let me out,'' I say softly and Dougal looks at me. ''What did ye say?''

''Let me out!'' I yell and he looks shocked. ''What do ye mean?''

''Stop the fucking car and let me out!'' he starts laughing like a big maniac and shakes his head. ''And why would I do that?'' he is having fun in the whole situation and I feel my head become red with anger. ''Because yer disrespecting my wishes and insulting my wife!''

''Dead wife,'' he corrects me and I go mental. ''Stop the fucking car Dougal! Let me out of this bloody car!'' I yell again, tears streaming down my face. He sighs and finally stops and I jump out. He drives off and I break down in tears.