Desperation | ✓

01.

The rain was hitting his face with force. He gulped. His throat was constricting with the emotions he had never witnessed before.

He stared at the now deserted road in remorse. The rain had drenched him to the bones.

"Anika!" He called out with all his might hoping that his voice could be heard but all that answered him was pitter pattern of the rain. For as far he could see only darkness was visible.

The sky thundered and he collapsed down on the ground. His knees hitting the muddied ground first. He was kneeling down in the middle of the road. His shouts of her name remain unanswered. The energy and life drained out of him all of a sudden leaving him lifeless.

How could he do this to her? Especially after all the things she had done for him.

Shivaay could see his world falling apart infront of him.

He broke her trust again. He put it against his advantage. He didn't deserve the forgiveness he came out looking for. She was again taken for granted, by her own husband. Like always he stood up for his family before her.

He threw all the sacrifices and things she had done for him out of the sight. He could only imagine the pain she must be going through when she saw him there with another girl.

He had betrayed her in the worst possible way. He had repaid her love and kindness with pain and sacrifices. He sacrificed her for his family.

But he was hopeless, he couldn't see another way to drag all this mess away from his family. Away from her. He ended up following everything his bua asked. He was being blackmailed. That wasn't an excuse for his actions but an explanation. One he never got a chance to tell her.

He got up and looked around calling out her name as if his life was dependent on it. But to no avail, it all went unanswered. His words turned into pleadings. The passerby gave him a pitying look.

He was truly pathetic wasn't he? He never cherished the person when he had her by her side. And now here he was looking out for her when he had lost her.

His longing turned into desperation the point at which he was ready to do anything; ready to risk anything if it would take him to her. Even his life.

It was his desperation to see her.

Shivaay returned home defeated.

His mother was standing by the door waiting for him. Waiting that he will bring her back. His face turned ashen when his eyes fell on Gauri who was waiting by the door for her sister. A sister who she had got after so many years of separation.

He had seperated them again. He snatched the chance from her again. The chance of knowing her sister. He walked forward and joined hands in front of her. "I'm sorry Gauri, I couldn't find her. I failed to bring her back."

Each and every breath he took increased the pain he was feeling in his chest. There was nothing he could do, nothing other than suffer. He deserved that one.

His world has suddenly turned dark. Everything was black around him. He tried to reach out but his hands didn't obey. His screams were drowned in his throat. The ringing only increased in his head. And her face came into his view. He tried to step toward her.

"A-annika." He managed out. He struggled as if an invisible force was pulling him back. She only stared at him blankly.

"Why did you break me in the worst way? In a way where pieces won't be put together again?"

She walked away. He tried to follow her but the darkness soon enveloped everything. It was as if he was consumed in nothingness. It spread from the darkest corners of his heart and soon enveloped everything.

His yearning became his desperation. There was nothing he wanted more than to lay down in her arms and expose his sorrows. But will he ever get the chance to do so now?

He woke up. He was in his room. Om and Rudra by his side. Bhavya and Gauri were sitting at the edge of his bed. A nightmare, he thought.

"Shivaay? Are you-" Om stopped in the mid sentence. He knew the answer already. He was not.

"Bade bhaiya, aap chinta mat kariye jiji ko humsab jald hi wapas le aayenge." Gauri reassured him with a sweet smile of hers. But Shivaay couldn't register their words. He is tired now. He just wanted to close his eyes and sleep. Forever?

That question hung in the deepest part of the mind. He closed his eyes in resignation as his brothers' arms encircled him in a protective hug.

It was his desperation to seek her out.