⌗ 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐲

Chapter 1 - How Jesus Saved Me

Everyone has a past, a story to tell, though truly it isn't mine-it's all His. This is my testimony of how God saved me when I was in a low place, of how he called me out of my grave when no else dared to come near it. His love is an overflow of oceans upon oceans and with this, I'm going to share a cup of mine with you. 

At a young age, I'd been introduced to this girl in elementary school that was seduced by the Devil into believing she had feelings towards girls and I was influenced by her presence in my life and I normalized this for her even though I thought it was wrong. In the end I began to even question if I was that way too and why it would be wrong in the first place. Even though my gut told me it was wrong, (which I now know was conviction from God), I didn't know what to do because I believed if I went to God with it he'd turn me away so I ran from him.

Later on into Middle School, I identified myself as gay (or to be specific bisexual, which is a torment and lie from the pits of hell in the first place) and I turned away from God. My ears went deaf to the truth and I started to have a pent up hatred towards God and the "whole church thing". I started to become depressed and have idols, some that I didn't even know were idols in my life. Due to me being misinformed and influenced in the wrong way, I ran from God and mocked him and hated on him, not for anything He did but because of my misperception of him and others that rubbed me the wrong way towards him. I started to believe he was a hateful God who was all about rules when he was truly all about love and grace and forgiveness and repentance.

I started to get obsessed with anime specifically and the characters. It became an idol and I began to cling to the characters as well, wanting the love I hadn't had in my life yet, instead I got fake love because none of it was ever real. I was trying to fill a hole in my heart that only Jesus could've filled in the first place. Later on the same thing happened with other movie characters so it is just proof that anything can become an idol in your life if you allow it to; sometimes you won't even realize it so its important to careful about what you allow in your head and how you keep it there.

I became consumed in lust, pornography, depression, anxiety, idols, and many more that left me feeling empty. Later on, around 13-14, I was doing better mentally and had gotten out of the pulls of depression. Soon later in that school year, I had also got a boyfriend and as any other relationship can, it ended. It left me hurt pretty bad and I slowly started to fall back into depression, not realizing it. I started to become a horrible person and I didn't even realize what all these things I consumed were doing to me or that all of it was because I didn't have Jesus in my life to direct me and give me purpose.

A few months pass after the break up and I hated how I was, I wanted to fit in and be society's "normal" because I had heard Jesus was coming back soon, so I thought I'd try to perfect myself and be better so maybe people would like me more and I'd pass as a "Christian girl" so I could go to Jesus, which was wrong because he never needed me to perfect myself anyway to come to him. I tried to stop the feelings I had for girls but it kept coming back to the surface. It was like I was at the stopping point I was when it all started before, the big question was "How do I get rid of it?". But the truth was the question I was asking myself over and over again was wrong in the first place because I could never get rid of it, he had to.

So one night I talked to God and I said, "God I can't do it myself, I've tried. I don't know how to do this, I can't be perfect, please, help me Lord." And God heard me and in like in the snap of a finger it was gone. The feelings left, the desire left and it was like it was never there in the first place. And in that moment, I started to sob because what I had tried for months to get rid of Jesus did it in a snap of a finger, without hesitation; because the whole time he wanted me to come to him-he wanted my brokeness.

Not only did he break me from homosexuality but my lust, my depression, anxiety, the people who'd put me down, all my idols, every single thing I struggled with, he had taken all of it I had surrendered and cast it as far as the East is from the West; gone. I was finally free and all because of Him. I no longer needed other's approval because the one's who mattered was his anyway. He made whole again where I used to be broken. He shown me that it isn't just religion tradition but a relationship and walk with him daily. He completely healed me where I couldn't have myself and all I have for him is complete awe and worship. He's worthy of it and I would never be who I am or where I'm at without him. And not only can he do this for me but for you too. He loves us all so much and he just wants your belief and surrender to him.

Jesus loves YOU.

(and I do too)