The Real Prize

Is it Love?

Cassandra Andrews

I have a fear of trying something new. Like anything. I remember that I feared walking up to the ice cream man for the first time, even if it was so simple. When I was in the States, I could easily control my fear, but now when I'm in Hong Kong, my fear's just gotten out of hand. From stage fright to confronting people, it's not easy for me to do day-to-day basic tasks, and definitely impossible for me to make friends. Heck, I'm not even thinking about finding a boyfriend.

But yesterday, I turned nineteen, and I saw my entire childhood flashing before my eyes. And I had not a single memory that wasn't about me being scared. As I sat down in front of the cake, the lights all turned off and just a single candle in front of me, my father and sisters singing 'Happy Birthday', I reconsidered what I had spent my entire childhood doing. Was it just about being scared? Then, my father snapped me out of my thoughts with a question.

"Have you ever thought about finding a boyfriend? You're already nineteen and still single." My father stared at me straight in the eye, and I knew he was serious.

Whenever my father brought up the question of my singlehood, I had always avoided eye contact, pulled out my airpods, and pretend that I had not heard him. But now that I was fully aware of my surroundings, he took the opportunity to ask me that dreadful question.

"B...boyfriend? Ohh..erm...I...I'll try to look for one," I stuttered, because I knew that I was lying. I had planned to remain single all my life and lock myself up in a convent.

In the end, after the celebration was over, I locked myself in my room and turned on my laptop. I had been waiting an entire month for my college applications to be accepted, and when my 10-year-old, crusty laptop finally switched on, I quickly opened my email, while bashing the 'a' and 'i' key at the same time, since the keys had fallen out.

My cursor hovered over the email, and I shut my eyes in anxiousness. Then, after an hour of anticipation, I clicked on it, and scrolled to the bottom of the email:

Dear Miss Cassandra Andrews, we have accepted-

"Oh fuck yes!" I threw my hands up in the air and basically woke up the entire house.

"What's the big deal?" My father marched into the room, while my two sisters peeped behind.

I grabbed my laptop and showed it to him. "Dad, I got into Stanford!" I threw the laptop in his face in excitement, but it fell onto the floor and the screen cracked.

"Oops," I stared at the broken laptop at the ground. "You're gonna have to pay for that." My father tried to use his menacing voice, but of course, he was grinning all the while, so it didn't work.

***

I start packing the next day, washing, scrubbing, drying, folding, and lastly, stuffing. I repeat that procedure for like...fifty times, before I am finally done. My youngest sister, Kathy, is clinging on to my leg the whole time, begging me not to leave, but of course, that isn't possible, so I just shake her off and assure her that I will be back soon. She then grabs a popsicle from the freezer and popped one in her mouth, before collapsing onto the bed, sulking.

"You can't eat on the bed, Kathy!" My middle sister, Nat, reminds her.

"Shut up, betch!" Kathy screams, then whines. "I wanna go with Cassy! I'm not fricking leaving!"

"Don't use those vulgar words, Kath-" I stop Nat from becoming the obsessive mom she is, and then I suddenly come up with an idea.

"Why don't we have a family trip during spring break?" I ask.