My brothers best friend

Chapter 31: Seeking Forgiveness in the Chaos

Chapter 31

Valerie's Point of View

A week had passed, and everything felt like a blur. I had spent the days trying to push everything out of my mind, to ignore the guilt that weighed on me every time I thought of Jake. I should have stayed, I should have fought, but I didn't. I walked away, and now the silence between us was all I had. That, and a heavy, aching emptiness in my chest.

But tonight was supposed to be different. A girl's night. A chance to forget. Or at least try. Paige and Viktorie were here with me, and we had decided to indulge in all the comforts of a perfect girls' night in: face masks, pajamas, ice cream, and a Gossip Girl marathon. Nothing could be better for distracting yourself than a little bit of drama and way too much sugar.

I sat on the couch between Paige and Viktorie, the cool face mask tingling on my skin. I hadn't even bothered to look in the mirror to see how ridiculous I probably looked, my hair a mess and my oversized pajama shirt barely staying on my shoulders. But honestly, I couldn't have cared less. The numbness that had settled in felt permanent, like a layer of cold that wouldn't melt.

I scooped another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth and tried not to think about Jake, about how I had left him, about how everything felt like it was falling apart. Paige was talking animatedly beside me, her voice full of excitement, but I wasn't really listening. I was too focused on the swirling thoughts inside my head, the ones that wouldn't quiet no matter how hard I tried to tune them out.

"So, like, I honestly can't believe Mason is still working that stupid job at the coffee shop," Paige said, chuckling as she wiped a bit of the mask off her chin. "He's literally always talking about how he's going to quit, but I know he won't. It's just like... his thing now."

I forced a smile, nodding at her words, though I wasn't really hearing them. Mason and Paige had been together for a while now, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy, even though I knew it was silly. Their relationship seemed so easy, so natural. It was like they just fit together, something I had always wanted but hadn't been able to find.

"Yeah, he's a mess," I said softly, the words slipping out before I could stop them. "But he loves it. I mean, it's not about the money. It's just what makes him happy."

"Ugh, I know, right?" Paige giggled. "Same with Connor. I swear, he'll never grow up. He's always putting off the serious stuff, like getting a real job or committing to the whole adult thing."

Viktorie snorted, not at all offended, because she knew just how true it was. "He's a total boy at heart. He doesn't want to leave his comfort zone. But you know what? It works. He makes me laugh, and that's what matters."

"I guess," I mumbled, my spoon scraping the bottom of the now-empty ice cream carton. I barely even realized I had eaten so much. My mind had been elsewhere the entire time.

Viktorie leaned over, glancing at me with concern in her eyes. "Val, what's going on with you? You've barely said a word all night. You okay?"

I blinked, not even sure how long I had been zoning out. The conversation had shifted from the boys to something else, but I wasn't really listening to that either. The guilt was suffocating. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that I'd walked away from Jake. I'd hurt him, and now the silence between us felt like punishment.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said quickly, too quickly. "Just tired, I guess." I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly.

Paige studied me for a long moment before she let out a little sigh. "Val, you know you can talk to me, right? I know you and Jake had that weird thing going on... I don't know what happened, but if you need to talk about it, you don't have to carry that around by yourself."