Begin Again

Eleven

Jin walks towards Su-mins bedroom and lightly taps on it. He doesn't hear a response and figures that she's sleeping. So he pushes the door open quietly and finds her sitting upright against the headboard. Her arms are crossed and she is giving him the stink-eye.

"Morning sweetheart. I see you are already awake." Jin tells her as he enters further inside.

"I just wanted to come apologize for.. you know. Not coming home like I promised you I would. I'm really sorry for that. I don't have a good excuse to give you. I think I was just being selfish and I.. I know I am not being a good parent to you lately." He sits on her bed, and lets out a deep breath.

"I feel terrible baby. I don't ever want you feeling like you can't depend on me. I.. I...."

"You lied. Just like papa lied when he said he would always be there. The only person who never lies to me is halmeoni."

Jin smiles halfheartedly as she relaxes her arms.

"I know you can't possibly understand cause you are still so young. But life always changes.. even when we don't want it to. I'm sure your father never meant to change his feelings."

"So you will be leaving me too?" She asks painfully.

"No, no.. that's not what I meant. I would never willingly leave you. The only thing that would keep me from you is death. But I hope that won't happen anytime soon. Maybe once you are way older and don't need me anymore." He tries to joke.

But she jumps across the bed and hugs him as tight as possible. "Don't die Appa! Please don't die! I want you to stay alive forever!"

"Shh.. shhh.. baby.. please calm down. Let's not talk about that. I don't want you to worry about anything. Ok. You are the kid here and you should only be worrying about your homework and maybe your chores. I'm so sorry that I'm not better at providing you with a better life."

He rocks her in his arms as he continues speaking. "There's so many things that I am lacking in. And I don't want you to suffer because of my shortcomings. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And the only reason why I am grateful for every new day. Because I am blessed to have you as a daughter. I love you baby girl. Don't ever doubt that."

The rocking is making her sleepy and she whispers, "I love you too." And then falls asleep.

He gently lays her down on the bed and pulls the blankets over her. He stares at her for a few moments. She looks so much like her papa. With a deep sigh he quietly walks out of the room. She must be exhausted if she stayed up all night waiting up for him.

A pang of guilt hits him and he feels terrible. He goes downstairs to the kitchen. Jimin is already finished eating.

"Hey, did you have fun last night?" He asks with a smirk.

"I did actually. I always had fun with Tae."

"Well after y'all left Anheul and her husband got into it. You know I'm nosy, so I leaned in closer to listen to them. I'm guessing that wasn't the first time she's made a scene regarding Taehyung. And her husband asked if she even wanted to be married to him. Or if she had rather have married Tae.. she took a second too long to respond cause he got up and left her there. She eventually got up and followed.. but I doubt she was in a rush to find him."

"Really? I kinda feel bad now. Maybe I shouldn't have provoked her."

"What? You didn't do anything wrong. She's the married one. Well.. I guess you are too. But that's different. Either way, Taehyung doesn't like her. So even if she was single, she wouldn't get him."

"Hmm.. maybe. I just don't want to keep going through the same thing every time I see her. I already feel everyone's eyes on me wherever I go, I don't need more attention."