The Fallen Angel

Chapter 3

I don't know if it was because of my refusal, but I never saw you again.
The hot season arrived and needless to say, you arrived too, with your light that gave off heat. I don't understand how you can be so dark and so bright at the same time, but that's what's attractive about you.
You are not a bad soul, you have felt your pain and you carry it on your skin every day, yet you are destined to be damned.
I saw you again in a garden and this time it was me who spoke to you.
It was like if I couldn't not do it, so I did it and it marked my life forever.
<<Why do you want to talk to me now?>>, you asked me in a provocative tone.
<<I don't actually know>> I replied, concluding the conversation.
Yes, because after that answer of mine we spent hours and hours lying on the green lawn looking up at the sky in silence.
In that silence I know that you spoke to me louder than you ever could, than you ever would later.
I felt something and now I couldn't hold back anymore, maybe I didn't even want to.
So we spent every summer night together, and only when I was with you the stars lighted up enough to be seen so brightly.
Obviously Gabriel didn't know anything about it, I spent afternoons with him, happy afternoons, in which however I also thought about you, I wanted you.
Then I found out about your girlfriend and,although it's paradoxical, it broke my heart.
I was disappointed, angry, confused.
One evening in July, lying next to each other on a soft grass, you told me your story better.
Your father was a delinquent and violent while your mother was a sweet, poor woman who loved you with all her heart.
You spoke to me as if you thought your father had passed on to you what was rotten in him.
<<You are not like him>> I told you, interrupting the silence that for a moment was making us distant.
<<I know how to be worse>> you said with an expression that betrayed your acting like a bad person.
<<We all know how to be>> I said with all sincerity.
And I still think about it, I would never have thought that immediately afterwards, me, exactly me, would felt heaven at the gates of hell when your lips rested on mine.
We joined in an intense and warm kiss that perhaps I had been waiting for since the first moment we spoke. I finally felt and touched your long hair and it was as soft as I imagined it.
<<you are the only soul that can understand sin>> you said in a whisper, then talking to me about the rest of your life, your pain and your feelings of guilt that you mistakenly put aside.
I felt like the only one who could understand your gestures, even and above all the wrong ones. Was it an excuse to forgive me for my betrayal of Gabriel?
No, I really felt it.
I felt a new feeling, a fire burning me from the inside.
But one day we will all be ashes and dust.