The Piano Teacher

Chapter 25

The days progressed in a murky blur.

Samuel said nothing about Charlotte continuing to work at the mercantile, but sometimes, he would give her a careful look before he dropped her off in the morning. The fact that her uncle had an idea of her feelings for Nels Oleson made her miserable. She felt that it made what she felt all the more real, and it made it all the more difficult to fight.

It made her feel unstable. While she worked at the mercantile, when she glanced at Mr. Oleson and felt a deep longing in her stomach, her uncle's words would pop into her head and make her feel cold: the way you look at Nels Oleson is a dangerous thing.

She wished she could tear this love out of her chest and burn it. It felt so wonderful, but it already brought so much pain. A part of her wanted to quit working at the mercantile just to stop seeing so much of him, but she couldn't do it. Not just because she needed the money, but because the thought of not seeing Nels Oleson almost every day was agonizing.

She had become so used to his presence. She felt comfortable with him. They worked well together, too. Sometimes, he wouldn't even need to say anything to her. He would simply give her a glance, and she'd know exactly what to do. The store ran perfectly with both of them. Despite its simplicity, it made Charlotte feel like she was part of something important.

But perhaps what Charlotte looked forward to most was the time after the mercantile closed for the evening. Because it had become a habit for them to go to the parlor and for Charlotte to play Étude No. 6 until she couldn't anymore.

It always ended the same with her stopping halfway through, arrested by her fear, by her memories. Nels was never disappointed in her. No, not like her father with his cold gray eyes that never seemed happy no matter what she did.

No, for when Charlotte could no longer play, shivering and gasping, Nels would kiss her on the cheek and tell her how well she did before sending her home.

She didn't understand why her practicing that song meant so much to him. She supposed it was because he wanted to help her. He could see how much it pained her, how it was a constant thorn in her side. And while it was agonizing to play that song, deep in her heart, she had an intense need to play it. If only she could play it all the way through, everything would be different.

But she settled with playing only half of it every other evening in Nels Oleson's parlor. She felt that if she played it anywhere else, even in the comfort of her own cabin, she would be too overrun with fear to ever even think of it again. But when she played it in Nels's house, she felt supported, protected. The slightest, slightest part of her even looked forward to failing, because it meant that he would hold her by the shoulders to calm her and kiss her face ever so briefly.

It made her feel so warm.

Could he really be fond of me? She contemplated. Could he really be fond of me in a way a man is fond of a woman, after all the sickness he's seen in me? All the trouble and strife?

The truth was that Nels Oleson had come to adore every second he spent with Charlotte Richmond. Perhaps it hadn't entirely dawned on him, but he felt such a deep need to see her each day. In the early morning before she was there, and in the evening once she left, he felt emptier than he had ever been.

Of course, he was partially distracted by the thought of his family. He did hope that Harriet would send the children to him, as he missed them terribly, but he didn't take his wife's words as gospel. He just wished that this spite that she held for him would dissipate. He didn't know what to do to fix the problem. He hated conflict and each day that all this nonsense went on made him feel more and more hopeless.