I know you for a while now, we've been friends for ages yet nothing has changed, we still walk the same path back home from school, we still share the same comb, we are still rivals for who's going to finish a series first, we still share the same humor we always had when we were in 6th grade, it's still us I see, every now and then, your strings are forever attached to mine. But when I thought about what last night was with you, you weren't really a friend. Yesterday, you asked me to drive you to the boulevard when you knew I've had to deal with my academic life, org works and a side job, my schedule was full to the gills that I might even forget how to breathe. With loads of things to do, I left my emotions unchecked, it's so empty, I'm drained, I just want to stop the time temporarily, to still check if the wind is blowing, to still check if the oceans are waving, or to check if the wings of the birds are still flapping. Can I escape to check? who knows. But then there's you, one call, and it's over. "Hey Cal! drive me to the beach pls, later at 5, see you!" I'm at awe thinking 'are you for real now?' with things aligned behind my back, I knew what I had to do, no doubts, I've got to see her, I need to see her. I caught myself overly spraying the perfume I just bought two nights ago, it was her favourite scent, so I did what I had to do, it's just Mel, why am I preening? never mind. I left the school at 4 in the afternoon unannounced, and on the way to her house, I was attempting to buy her favourite 'puto' but I didn't bought it, maybe she'll think of it differently, but at the same time it could be a friendly gesture, that was me contemplating. Distanc from her house, I saw her smile on fleek already, and that was when I knew I'm home. The home I search for everywhere I go. As soon as you entered the car you hugged me and I felt how tight your hug has been, and that I felt your heart beats. I missed my Melissa. On the way to the beach, we always had the struggle on which phone will connect on the car speaker, but I let Mel use it for now, she's a big fan of hozier, so I wasn't surprised about her playing his discography. I loved it. The sun has set already when we've arrived to a perfect spot, a spot in the dark where we can see all the lights from the city, a spot where we can only hear the sea humming by the wind, and a spot where we're being winked at by the starry sky. You talked non-stop about how your life has been after moving to college which was about 8 months ago with your hands grabbing my fingers as to what you always does. You've taught me secret language that I can't speak with anyone else. I'm compensated for all the stress I've had in just seeing you laugh. She's the best Doctor my life has to offer, she only not healed me, but she filled the lacks I never knew I needed. We didn't track the time, but it was already 4am when I got Mel back to her house, she was asleep the whole time I was driving, and as soon as I dropped her off, she texted me "Text me when you're home," I was smiling ear to ear driving back to dorm, that was the point where I realized, you were never a friend, you are more than a soulmate, you are the love of my life. But I don't know how to tell you right now, the time will come. As soon as I got back home, I crashed to bed, not thinking what upcoming agendas are on that day, I forgot to text you back and slept for the whole day, and I woke up to a ringing sound from my phone, I am not fully up yet, but I looked at the calendar first thing, luckily it was sunday, I was relieved. My phone didn't stop ringing, and I didn't have the intention to pick it up because I thought it would be the school moderator from my org, but I had to answer it. It was an unknown number, but it knew my name and so I answered. "Mel's gone, my dearest Cal, she took her life earlier today. I'm sorry" That spoken words I've heard I'd wish I'm still asleep. I felt my heart beat racing and tightening, I was all ears on how the clock ticked that hard, and felt my knees weakened. My heart felt broken as tiles could get, part of me died that afternoon. Mel, If I knew, I would've held your hands more tightly, If I knew I would've bought the 'puto' you've always wanted, If I knew, I would've memorized every songs you've loved, If only I knew, I would've told how I loved you. From that day on, when I get the chance to sleep at the afternoon, I still sleep so I can meet you, and be home.
