Red Flags: I should have never Married him

DATING

It was a day like any other, she was watching television and having a beer before bed. Her husband was screaming at her about why her brother doesn't help around the house. He was always mad about something but this time he swung towards her. This time it was different. This time she was scared of him. So much went through her mind at this moment. "What do I do? I want a happy family, but this is happening all the time. Why won't he go to counseling? Why can't we just all get along? Why does he always find something too yell about? I can't do this anymore!" so many questions. She was done, "Get out!" she yelled! "Get out or I'm calling the cops!" This was the last leg of her journey with her husband. He had no idea what he was doing to her.

Each time he yelled and screamed at her she was dying inside. Her dreams of having a happy family were dying. When they rented a house there wasn't this constant yelling. Before they were married, they were fine. Once a man marries you, he thinks he controls everything you do. It happened here again. When they were dating everything was equal. He was taught to treat a woman this way. Whether it was trough movies or television, maybe even his own family taught him that once you got married you owned your wife and she had to obey you. As a woman you are taught to keep the family together that the kids need both parents.

At what cost should you keep the family together. Years earlier is when she should have left him. When he started yelling at her 18-month-old for spilling his soda. Can you imagine a grown man yelling at an 18-month-old, "I can't believe you? How can you be so dumb to not watch what you're doing! You made a huge mess! You want to know how I feel," yelling at an 18-month-old standing in front of him crying as he dumps her bottle on the floor in front of her and then throws it to the ground." She looks over at her mother for comfort. But when her mother tries to comfort her, he won't let her. What kind of a monster yells at a baby!

She gets up to clean it while he stomps around the house. He doesn't even think his behavior is wrong. Soon he leaves to go to his mother's house. He's too mad to be around us. With events like this happening not too often she relaxes until another incident occurs. How do you know when to leave is the Question all of us ask ourselves?

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The story you just read is my own. Like many abused women we were taught to hold the family together at any cost. I had no idea I was in an abusive relationship. When the court defines abuse as physical contact causing harm to a spouse. After the night he swung at me I realized all the triggers I ignored. The first one was when we were dating. He was living in an apartment with his brother and another roommate. We were heading to one of his friend's houses for thanksgiving. We had to stop at the store to get something to drink. While we were there his parents called him.

They needed help with their remote and he was calm at first. Giving them directions on how to do what they needed to do to on the remote. I was listening to the conversation, and I didn't understand his directions. So, you can Image his parents didn't either. He started yelling at them on the phone. About how he was busy, and he didn't really have time to help them with their remote right now. Let alone come over and help them. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Whenever my mom needs anything, if I can do it I do it. No matter how frustrated I get.

RED FLAG #1: Yelling at their parents.

If he doesn't respect his parents enough to be calm with them over the phone, he won't respect you. Now, at this point I should have stopped dating him, but I didn't. After the embarrassing phone call, he downplayed it, making an excuse that his parents always do this on holidays since they don't celebrate holidays. So, I accepted his excuse as normal behavior. I don't talk to my parents like that for any reason. I respect and love my parents. His behavior should have been unacceptable to me. I accepted because I didn't respect or love myself. My second Mistakes was devaluing myself at this point.