The Hangover- Phil Wenneck x FemReader

The Blame Game.

You all searched the Mercedes for clues as to what had happened last night while Phil drove out of the impound lot.

"Ew what's this?" Alan said, holding up a slimy, latex thing.
"Oh my god that's a condom!" You squealed, moving as far away from from Alan as you could. Alan flung the condom to Stu who threw it to Phil like a hot potato.

"Hey! Cmon! I got jizz on me!" Phil said, squirming in his seat, trying to keep his hand on the wheel.

You hid your giggle as he threw it out of the window.

"I wouldn't worry too much Phil, that could be the condom that you and Y/N used last night" said Alan.
You glared at Alan. As did Phil, from the rear view mirror.
Phil pulled in from the road and stopped the car.

"All right what the fuck man? We gotta get this shit together guys" he snarled, glaring around at the three of you.
Alan was about to protest when you heard a thumping from the trunk.
"What was that?" Alan asked "it's coming from the trunk" you answered.

"Oh my god Doug's in the trunk!" Stu exclaimed, "holy shit" Phil laughed in disbelief.

You hoped to dear god it was Doug, this long day would be over and you could finally find Doug and get the fuck out of Vegas.
Everyone fell out of the car and raced to the trunk.

Phil hastily opened the trunk as the rest of you stood in anticipation. The trunk flew open and out jumped a naked Asian dude.
Not Doug.
A naked Asian dude.

Clambering onto Phil, he tackled him to the ground while continuously beating him with a crowbar. Phil grunted while struggling to tear this stranger off his body, while you stood in shock.

Well, if wanting to climb onto Phil while naked was a crime, lock me the fuck up.

After clocking Stu in the stomach and on the head, and giving Phil another bang to keep him down. You stood there, wondering who he would target next, you or Alan.
You should've known it would be you, somehow Alan manages to get out of these situations unscathed.

Before your fight or flight kicked in, you were struck to the ground in one fell swoop. Guy smacked you clean across the face.
He ventured towards his last victim, Alan, who cowered beside the Mercedes.
"You gonna fuck on me?" The Asian guy warned, swinging his crowbar.

"We're on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! He destroys cities! Please!" Alan pleaded.
You didn't expect this to have any effect on the crazy naked dude, but you were wrong.
He flung his crowbar at Alan and legged it away from the, now floored, group.

Everyone groaned in pain, sidling up the Mercedes to lean on it.
"What the fuck was that?" Phil groaned, for what felt like the millionth time that day.
"Somebody call 911" Stu whined, "I have internal bleeding"
You glanced at your reflection in the Mercedes door. Your cheek was bleeding, that's gonna leave a bruise.
"Shit I didn't get a tetanus shot" you sighed, and flopped down beside Phil. "Who was that guy? He was so mean" Phil asked angrily.

"Guys there's something I need to tell you"Alan bleated "last night on the roof, before we went out..I slipped something in our Jäegermeister" he said shamefully.
"What?"
"You drugged us?"

"No I didn't mean to! I was told it was ecstasy! I wanted everyone to have a good time! It was just one hit each" he said, gazing at everyone's reactions.

"But it wasn't ecstasy Alan! It was roofies!" Stu snarled, "you think I knew that Stu? The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter!" said Alan.