FAKING IT [sample - out now in bookstores!]

Chapter 1

"I know it's a commercial fad... but I just want somebody to love"

– views on Valentine's Day from our Dating & Relationship columnist

Published Friday 26th February

Like many single people all over the world this month, I spent Valentine's Day with the people I love most: my friends.

Not in person, of course. Not even over Zoom or FaceTime.

No, I spent Valentine's Day stalking my friends on social media, obsessing over every single loved-up, rosy, romantic post, while my own soul shrivelled up with a combination of envy and the looming fear that I'll be alone forever.

A very real fear that my happily married siblings are all too quick to remind me of whenever I see them.

A very real fear that my friends don't realise they're reminding me of each time they ask after a recent date of mine, and I am forced to tell them I've been ghosted – again.

My friends, by all accounts, had a spectacular time celebrating Valentine's. One was gifted a dog – a dog! – by her boyfriend. Another was proposed to at the restaurant where she and her S.O. have celebrated many an anniversary. Some enjoyed cosy nights in, though a vase of fresh roses and the glitter of some new jewellery could be spotted not-so-subtly in the photo. Some went all out with a spontaneous trip to Cornwall, prompting the upload of several sickeningly-sweet holiday snaps from the oh-so-happy couple.

Full disclosure, readers: I love my friends, and I am happy for their happiness. Any other time of year, I am not so affected by seeing them with their partners on social media that I end up ordering my favourite takeaway, opening a bottle of wine, and wallowing in self-pity that no Netflix binge of Gilmore Girls can cure.

But every year, Valentine's Day brings a barrage of successful love lives, making it impossible to ignore the harsh reality: that I am entirely alone.

And as much as I tell myself the holiday is a Hallmark gimmick, a commercial fad designed to shift jewellery and chocolates and two-for-one cinema tickets, it also forces me to admit something else I know to be true: I just want somebody to love.

CHAPTER ONE

'Here on your own?'

The temptation to look around in surprise and say, 'What do you know? So I am!' right in her face is almost too hard to ignore, but given that I've only just arrived it feels far too early to make a prat of myself.

I would at least like a couple of mimosas before I do that, so I have something to blame it on afterwards.

'Oh, yes,' I say, smiling politely at Lena's mum. I've met her twice: once, at graduation, and the second time a few months ago when I went to visit Lena after her heart surgery.

I guess she must know about me, the same way as I know about her. All through second-hand stories and the occasional appearance on Lena's social media. I wonder what she knows about me, and decide that I'll give her a pass for asking me if I'm here alone.

Until, that is, she clicks her tongue and pats my arm with sympathy I never asked for.

'Helena did mention you've had a hard time meeting someone. Such a shame.'

A muscle twitches in my face, my smile becoming strained.

Hard time meeting someone? Is that what my friend said about me, or is that just what her mum took away from the conversation? I doubt it's what Lena actually said, in all fairness: she loves hearing stories of my dating antics as much as I enjoy telling them.