Invisible String | CaitBea

VI - Pillow Talk

Caitlin's POV

I collected my thoughts before breathing out a loud sigh. I still don't know where to start. I saw from my peripheral vision that Bea was looking at me intently while her hands were still holding mine.

"Okay, will you promise me that you'll listen first and make no judgment?" I looked at her and met her eyes, laced with concern and confusion.

She nodded, and I felt her grip on my hands tighten, giving me the signal to proceed.

"Are you still following Kei on IG?" Bea nodded while looking at me tenderly.

"I am not sure if you saw his story last New Year's Eve, but he's already engaged with the woman he met right after me." I glanced at our hands while telling the news, avoiding her gaze.

This time, Bea held my chin and let me face her. Her face is etched with worry and concern, yet there is still gentleness.

"Are you... still in love with him?" Her lips trembled and her voice quivered.

"No!" I quickly shook my head to disagree.

I saw how Bea sighed and exhaled after holding her breath for so long. The worry carved on her face was gone.

"It's not like that, I promise!" I clasped her hands again for comfort and assurance.

"When Kalel told me that Kei's engaged, I felt things that I know I shouldn't. We broke up two years ago, and I know that this should not bother me anymore."

I tightened my grip on her hands this time as I continued.

"I realized things that I am trying to keep at bay. Everything came at me all at once; I was never prepared for it."

I swallowed the invisible lump in my throat as I continued.

"I realized that after we broke up, it felt like I never made progress. He was moving on with his life, and I am still the same after two years. I have no one while he already found the one he'll be spending his life with."

Bea brushed my hair to calm me as my voice started to tremble.

"I know I shouldn't compare my progress to his, 'coz we're two different individuals, but I can't help it. Pakiramdam ko talaga napag iwanan na ako. Some of our friends are getting married, others are already happy with their partners, while I'm here still alone."

Bea looked at me this time; her eyes were full of concern.

I sighed again and whispered, "Baka ako talaga yung problema, Bei."

This time, Bea held my face in both of her hands.

"Cait, it's okay if you feel that way, and it's not your fault. Your feelings and thoughts are valid and safe with me, and I want you to know that you're not the problem; you never were."

I held her hands, which were touching my face.

"But you got one thing wrong" Bea said while her hand grazed my cheeks.

"Huh?"

"You are not alone. You were never alone. You got me, right? Always." Her voice was dripping with sincerity and what sounded like an oath.