Love, Suicidal Freak

Hey guys.

I'm new to Wattpad, and this is my first story. I really appreciate all feedback and criticism. Thanks for reading <3

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'Beep beep'

The familiar noise of my alarm clock fills the room. Reluctantly, I move my tired arm to turn it off.

Why does it seem you're always so comfortable in the morning?

Sighing, I force myself out of bed. 7:00 am, time to get ready to face another day. I push my silk covers off, shivering from the unexpected coldness of the September air. A wave of pure light hits my porcelain skin as I move to shut the squeaky old window. The sun burns my eyes and I blink to regain my vision.

Walking into the bathroom, I glanced at myself in the dirty mirror.

"Pathetic," I whisper, summing myself into one word. I stop in front of the mirror and stare at myself in deserving bitterness.

I hated everything that stared back.

Everything from the long, black hair, tangled from a restless night's sleep to those boring, brown, bottomless pits of eyes that seemed to observe everything with no hint of emotion- for emotion was unhealthy; it made you seem vulnerable.

No, nobody could know how vulnerable I really was. They could never know how deep their words cut, how much pain they've really caused. So just in case emotion slipped through my ugly, boring, brown eyes, I always covered them- it's not like anyone wants to see them anyways.

Undressing, I had to get ready for school. Ugh, school. I was not in the mood- I'm never in the mood.

I give myself a last look-over in the mirror before hopping into the shower. I was chunky, definitely not Barbie-sized. I was your average height for 16, not too tall, not too short. But I was definitely not thin.

'I could never be like them,' I thought, looking at myself from the side. Though I would never admit it, this gave me a pang of sadness.

After showering, I brush my tangled mob of too-thin hair. I blow dry it quickly, my bangs falling naturally into their place. Eyes covered, I put on my natural mask of happiness and walk out of the bathroom. Grabbing skinnies and a random tee, nothing in particular, I get dressed.

8:05. Crap. The bus will be here in five minutes.

I rush down the stairs, grabbing a toaster streusel. I didn't dare shout anything to my mom, she was sleeping. She always sleeps during the day. Her job requires her to be out at night, screwing random dudes for as much money as she can squeeze out of them. She does what she has to I guess, I just wish she would have gone to college. 

I grab my pack and run out the door of the randown apartment complex, double-checking to make sure it was locked. I took my time walking to the bus stop down the street because I still had a few minutes to spare. Lucky, the neighborhood cat I named after the shamrock-shaped patch on his side, greeted me as he has every day now for years. I pet him until the bus rounded the corner onto my street, and he scurried to wherever he came from.

Ignoring glares, I walk back to my usual spot on the bus. Only being tripped once, I sit down, alone as usual.

What else can you do when the whole world is against you?

The entire bus ride I sat in silence, nothing new, listening to the calming sounds of my favorite bands. Music, definitely my life saver. 

Arriving at school, I waited as everyone got off the bus. After everyone was off, I slipped off too. "Have a good day," the bus driver says to me, as she has every day since I started school in this town. I give a simple smile back. Yeah, I'm sure I will, was all I could think.

The school courtyard was its familiar rainbow of Aeropostale clothing and mostly blonde hair. Ignoring the laughter and screams of excited girls reuited with their friends after a long 12 hours of being apart, I head into the pit of hell, also known as the school.

Grabbing my books from my locker, I listen to the whispered conversation of the nearby Goodies- Kate and Peggy, wearing their usual matching outfits.

"Did you hear there was a new kid?" The shorter and stalkier one, Peggy, asks Kate.

"Yeah, he needs a haircut and not to mention Proactive, but he's totally still hot," Kate responds with a wink and a too-excited giggle to Peggy.

Sick. They treated all boys like prey, going after any new bait they can. I roll my eyes and tune out. Another douche ready to join their crowd, just what the world needed.

The first half of school goes by in a blur. Math, then art, Chemistry, World Studies. My eyes are glued to the clock as I wait to leave for lunch. I always get my assignments done early in World Studies, since she always allows us to work in partners and everyone is too busy discussing the latest drama to actually work. I wish she would realize that one works a lot faster when they aren't distracted.

When the bell finally rings, I'm the first one out the door. I make my way to my locker, spacing out while singing a song in my head. It was then that I first see him, standing out like a coyote in a chicken coop. His dark, shaggy hair flowed carelessly wherever it pleased. His clothing looked as if he had been taken straight out of the Target clothing section. A simple gray tee, faded jeans and old-looking Vans. None of this is what made me pause, though. His icy-blue eyes were looking at me- directly at me- as if he knows my entire world just from looking at me.

I feel my cheeks flush as hurry past him and down the hall. I can still feel is eyes on my back as I round the corner to my locker. After placing my books away, I plug my ear buds in and tune out the world with Brand New. I step into the lunch line, receiving my lunch after waiting patiently in line for a song and a half. For lunch today the school was serving pizzatas- ew. I never understood where they got the "pizza" in pizzatas. All they consisted of was cheese covered in doughy bread. Maybe they thought a clever name would make them seem more appetizing.

I see him again in the lunch room. He sits alone, regardless of the many offers he gets by girls to come sit with them. I swear, every 10 seconds there was a different girl flirting with him, but he just stayed silent. I couldn't stop staring; he just seemed so out of place. I assumed by now he would have joined one of the many cliques in the school. He seemed to have no interest what-so-ever in talking to anyone. 

It was then that it happens. Jeslee Anderson, the most popular girl in school, shoves me down from behind. Food splatters everywhere as I face planted into my own lunch tray. I break free of my thoughts as laughter fills the room.

"He doesn't want you here. You see, Lyra? Nobody wants you here. So just stay away, you pathetic loser," she almost growls into my ear. I feel the cold trickle of milk spill over my head as Jeslee finishes me off. I feel humiliated. Utterly, humiliated.

As she walks past me in her pink high heels, the laughter continues to roar as pictures are snapped and fingers are pointing. I feel my cheeks flush tomato-red as I peer out of my now milk-covered hair at the crowd of laughing, gawking assholes. She sits down with him, and as I look up, I can see him roll his eyes.

Was he rolling his eyes at me?

I feel shame and hate wash over me as I gather myself enough to run to the bathroom. With nobody around, I take off my mask, letting the tears roll. I start scrubbing, trying to clean myself of the food and embarrassment. Cheese sticks in my hair as I continue to wash everywhere, looking even more pathetic than usual.

My clothes were hopeless. They smell of sour milk and macaroni. After washing my face and as much of my hair as I can, I go into a stall and take off my clothes. I think I'll just hide here the rest of the day...

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I'm debating about whether to make this a romance or not. Please comment and let me know what you think!