The Ramblings of a Confused Soul

4/11/24

Today is day one of just sharing with total strangers what I am dealing with. You know it's strange to me that I feel led to this. The other avenues that I have tried to get this heaviness off of my heart and mind always end up falling flat. Today is just a day I hate my life. I shouldn't feel that way. I have tons of great things going for me. None the less my emotions get the best of me. As a man is that even allowed?  My generation was raised to rub dirt on it and to walk it off. What I have learned for certain is being a good person doesn't get you treated well.  In fact most of the time it's quiet the opposite.  It gets you treated poorly because you accept it better than someone else. Right now I have lost the plot of my own story. I seem to run into the same pattern of BS.  The question today is will I ever be good enough?  I am sure as this carries on you will get to learn about me, my past, and my side of all of those moments that lead to a question like that about myself.   I am so angry that I want to be petty. I want to act in place of karma because I feel like my vengeance would be superior to anything karma will do.  Instead I just delete the memories, block the number, and move on. All the while feeling like I am the failure, and I am the one losing. These times when someone is removed from your life in a way that's hurtful it can be unbearable. It gets better......right?  We get the happy times to... right?  Today I fail to see that brightside of things.  

Until we meet again