Only drifting forward

Nightmares

Crosshair hates sleep, now back on the Maurder that's full of memories and a missing brother. He sees parts of Tech all over the ship and can't help but think of their last words to each other the things he did he can now never take back or apologise for. 

His dreams are filled with good memories of time shared with his twin and the rest of the batch only for them to melt away with a reality that he hates. 

Other nights are filled with memories of Tantiss and the torture at the hands of the Drs there. Sometimes they are of times where he failed, these are more often than he wants to admit to. With a return to Barton iv imminent they've taken a different turn he dreams of his time with Mayday, dragging the commander through the snow, a bolt to the head of the base commander - those aren't bad dreams he sometimes wishes he'd made the man suffer more. 

The others haven't said anything about the times he wakes up with a shout covered in sweat with tears in his eyes. He's not stupid enough to think the others haven't noticed - Hunter definitely has, his enhanced senses picking up Crosshairs elevated heart rate and noises. He's yet to mention it and the others are taking their lead from him, though he can see the concerned looks and how much more tactile they are with him. 

Then one night its especially bad he wakes himself screaming.

Hunter comes in with a glass of water and sits on the edge of the bed giving crosshair space but close enough to reach out if needed. 

He can hear the others moving around he must've woken them all. He sits up and tries his best to put his walls back up, but he just can't he takes the glass and just rolls it between his hands taking sips here the cold of glass soothing in his overheated state and the silence isn't oppressive he feels safe. He's waiting for the inevitable questions, but they don't come Hunter just sitting there watching Crosshair. He places the half empty glass on the floor and lies back down. Hunter makes a move to get up, but Crosshairs hand shoots out to grab his wrist 

"Stay" 

He waits as Hunter settles himself back down and changes the hold, he tangles their fingers together and rubs his thumb over the back of Crosshairs hand. It's been so long since Crosshair felt a touch that wasn't meant to cause pain and even longer since he felt a touch from Hunter, he squeezes Hunters hand and drifts off to sleep. 

When he wakes up Crosshair is alone but feels well rested the rest of his sleep was deep and dreamless Hunter keeping the nightmares at bay.

He gets up and dresses and makes his way to the galley he hears the murmuring and then Omega's voice carries - she's been spending too much time with Wrecker and hasn't learned an indoor voice.

"But he was calling out Mayday he needed help"

"Omega the things Crosshair dreams are his to tell us when he's ready"

"But...."

"No!"

"Ok"

Omega and Wrecker leave to meet with Lyana at the docks. Leaving Hunter and Echo on the ship, about to make himself known when the conversation carries on. He should've guessed these two were more observant, in Hunters case knows Crosshair better than anyone.

"You really think he was calling for help?"

A thoughtful silence

"No, I've been around too many brothers to know a clone name when I hear it"

"Thought so"

" You gonna ask him?"

" What I said to Omega still stands he'll tell us when he's ready"

"Hunter...."

"Echo.......please just leave it"

"Hhmmmph"

Echos steps leave to the cockpit and Crosshair lets out a breath, scrubs a hand over his face and makes his next steps loud to announce he's up, Hunter should've known he was there but sometimes when all is well a batcher can slip passed Hunters senses when feeling safe. 

How can he explain Mayday to Hunter that he found comfort with another, when he'd given up of ever reconciling with not only his family but his lover. There's been a change since he's been back they made a tentative peace Omega helping. Wrecker too soft to hold a grudge and Echo not having the same bond with him. Making it easier to forgive him if at least get passed it. 

Hunters another problem they've been so entwined for so long then that day on the hanger deck in Kamino broke everything, he was so angry for so long but now he's empty and he's lost Mayday and Tech and Hunter. crosshair is tired of losing so much. 

Wrecker and Omega come back with the supplies for the run to Barton iv. They move everything to Echos the maurder now to much of a liability. 

Having his amour back makes something in him settle, feel more like himself, his rifle on his back anchors him in a way he had thought he wouldn't feel again, he expected to be unmoored and adrift for the rest if his admittedly short life.