In Love

The Begining

"I LOVE HIM, BELLA" Edward yelled, tears spilling from his glistening, hazel eyes.
"BUT I LOVE YOU!" I replied. The first time I've ever said that and it's been true.
Silence...
The words echoed in my heart. I didn't realise how much I truely loved him up until now. It hit me like a drum that I'm...
In Love.

---

It all started when I joined Forks High. I saw Edward in the cafeteria at lunch and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Mysterious, hot, practically begging for my heart.
My friend Jessica noticed my infatuation and immediately warned me away from his encaptivating gaze.
"Who's he?" I asked.
"That's Edward Cullen..." She bit her bottom lip at the sound of his name. "He's totally gorgeous, obviously. Buttt apparantly nobody here's good enough for him. Don't even try" She sighed at what she saw as stupidity, but what I saw as the hole that's been missing from my soul for as long as I can remember.
Call me crazy... I don't care...
I want him. I need him.
He was so, so, so beautiful. His pale skin and dark undereyes beckoned me. His body was small, but seemed far from weak. He looked like heaven; an angel.
I often find myself feeling like the parts of a pig the butchers don't want: useless, ugly, distasteful, undesirable. But now my heart tells me another story... A story of lust, a story of passion, a story of pain.

Biology class was next.
My eyes searched for the classroom but their gaze fixed upon someone... A boy. He had long, luscious, black hair, and olive-tinted skin which covered his buff build. His shirt squeezed his biceps and hugged his chest, and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was beautiful. Perfect. But is it possible for perfection to exist in different states? Edward and this mystery man, I both find perfect, yet they look and seem so different. Why does my heart bring me these conflicting feelings?
I didn't notice how distracted I was until I realised the man I had been thirsting over was stood right infront of me.
"Are you okay?" He asked, his eyes looking down into mine.
"Um... Yeah..." I replied. "Sorry, I, uhm, do you know where F23 is? I'm, uhm- I'm new..."
He pointed a finger at the door next to me. His hands were painted with thick blue lines protruding from his caramel-glaze skin. They continued down past his wrist, and wrapped around his forearms like when two trees grow in the same spot and twist themselves around eachother.
"Oh... Ah... Thank you." I muttered softly.
"No problem."
"What's, uhm, what's your name?" I needed to know more about this boy. I wanted to know everything there is to know.
"Jacob. Jacob Black." He replied, the corners of his mouth extending into a smile as he spoke. "You're Bella, right?"
My heart suddenly thrashed against my ribcage as it begged to be freed. I didn't answer his question. I just nodded and smiled.

I opened the door, not realising just how late I was. I scanned the classroom like a predator searching for prey. I saw him again. Edward. His body jolted forwards and he reached his hand up to his nose as he scrunched his face in what seemed like disgust.
'Do I really smell that bad?' I thought.
"Sit there." The teacher pointed to my seat. "Third table back, second seat. Next to Edward."
The sound of his name echoed in my ears and the war of my feelings echoed in my heart.
His face scrunched harder and he shuffled away from me as I took my seat. I noticed the frog infront of us. It's arms and legs spread out and pinned down, helpless in life and even more so in death.
'Maybe it's just the frog?' Despite comforting me slightly, I still couldn't shake the idea that he thought I was really that disgusting. 'First day and the hottest boy in school already thinks I'm a looser...'
I stopped myself. Hottest? What about Jacob? Where do my feelings lie? I don't know what to think. Why do I feel like this for both of them? Both so similar in how they make me feel, yet so different in who they are...
The search for order in my feelings only bred greater conflict in my heart.