She draws in a long breath as she stares at the door. The smell of bleach and flowers were behind the door; seeping out. She closes her eyes as she buts her hand on the door knob. She hadn't been in here since she found her daughter dead.
She thought that it would be good, and since she had some time before the funereal, she would go in.
She studied the door before going in. It was a stark white door, with little posters on it, and her daughter's name: Hannah.
She then went in. The smell of bleach and blood filled her nose, and her eyes where greeted by the ever lasting darkness. She closed her eyes and turned on the glass chandler that hanged lowly. Everyone who went under it hit their head, but her daughter. She slowly opened her eyes and sucked in a breath. She scanned the room that she hadn't seemed in what would be ages. Her daughter's lime green walls were lined with posters and pictures and paintings. The wall closest to her hand ripped out pictures of her daughter favorite bands: Black Veil Brides, Blood on the Dance Floor, Asking Alexandria, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, and many more. The huge painting of a grave in front if a lake with flowers growing around it hung in the center. Her daughter had spent months painting it. She didn't know how her daughter had
Her eyes then fell to the next wall. The huge poster of Black Veil Brides hung in the center, with smaller pictures of them taped next to the poster. The only window in the room was on that wall too. The thick black curtains were closed, but she knew that the purple glass butterfly was still there. Hanging at the top. Her bed was also up against that wall. She shivered as she remembered finding the note there. The suicide note that her daughter had left behind.
She tore her eyes to the next wall. Three paintings hanged above her daughter's bed. One was a broken heart with many scars and words carved into it, the next was the Black Veil Brides symbol, then a green and orange zombie kid. Then there was her dresser. It held all of her makeup, little Knicks knacks, but most importantly, her daughter's IPod.
She grabbed the note from her pocket. It was her daughter last words; her suicide note. She let a few tears slipped as she flipped to the last few pages. It read: "When it comes time, and you'll know when, go to my room, and go to my IPod. Hook it up to the ihome, if it's already not, then press the home button twice. It will show the play button, press it. I made this special playlist for you, mom. To show you how I have always felt."
She did as the letter said. She started up her iPod, and was greeted by the screams from the front man of Asking Alexandria. She continued to read.
"I choose the song the song A Candlelit Dinner With Inmorta because of one lyric 'She takes a moment to ponder. To wonder what could've been given another chance. To find the light in the darkness and a way out of this. If only she could see what I could see.' I know that you've never enjoyed Asking Alexandria but just listen to it"
Strangely, she found herself crying to it. After the song had finished another one started. She went back to the letter to see what the name of the song was and why Hannah had choose it.
"Haha, did you live through it? Anyway, the next song that should be coming on right now is A Match Into Water by Pierce the Veil. This is the band with that one music video that I showed you of, the one with the bank and those two beautiful, beautiful men, and you said that the singer sounds like a girl. Still, not cool." She laughs as she recalls the memory of driving back home with her daughter, and telling her that the singer sounded like a girl. "Anyway, I choose this song because of what they, Pierce the Veil, is talking about through the whole song: A girl, with scars. Like in the beguining: 'I kissed the scars on her skin, I still think you're beautiful and I don't want to ever lose my best friend.' See? So, just listen, then yeah."
Sure enough, there was a lot about a girl with scars, as Hannah had put it, in the song. All to quickly, the song changed to the next one on the playlist. She looked down to see what the song was called and why Hannah had picked it.
The song started off slow, but the guitar part was very detailed.
"Okay, Mom, this song is called Saviour by Black Veil Brides. This song... This song is one of the most beautiful songs of all time. It's so passionate, and has such a deep meaning behind it. I just love it. The reason why I picked this song was because the whole idea of a saviour, who could be as normal as you and me. Not some higher God who could 'walk on water'."
Slowly, the song ended, and some other song, slow as well, came on. She turned to the paper again, to read about this time.
"This one's a bit harder to talk about... This one is by Black Veil Brides again, it's Lost It All. And that exactlly how I felt... Like I had lost everything in the world. I had no one to turn to anymore, no one for me, no family that loved me, no friends that cared about me, nothing. I had lost my passion for art, and a little bit for music too. It was horrible, and I had lost my place in this world. I didn't belong there, there had to be somewhere better for me... Wow, I got off track. Anyway, I choose this song because it says everything that I couldn't have said... I love you."
A dark and solum voice started to sing through the tiny, but loud, speaker.
"I ruled the world... I shook the heavens to the ground. I laid the gods to rest. I held the key to the kingdom lions, Guarding castle walls. Hail the king... of death." Her breath hitched at that last sentence. Hail the king... of death? What king of death was they hailing?
She wiped away the tears that started to fall, as she pushed back the thoughts of if Hannah was with that 'King of Death' "Then I lost it all, dead and broken. My, back's against the wall. Cut me open. I'm just trying to breathe, just trying to figure it out. Because I built these walls to watch them crumbling down. I said, then I lost it all. Who can save me now?"
Her head shot up.
That was it.
That what Hannah was talking about 'what she could have never said'. That had to be it. She had just wanted someone to be there for her, to save her... but no one ever did. The mother had to wipe away even more tears when she thought that. She wasn't there for her own daughter. She was a monster, she didn't show her daughter any love, and now she never will.
Another rebel tear fell. "I stood above, another war. Another jewel upon the crown. I was the fear of men. But I was blind I couldn't see, The world there right in front of me. But now, I can." Then another.... then another... and yet again, she couldn't help it. The tears just wouldn't stop.
She curled up in a ball, still sobbing. She grabbed one of the purple pillows from the bed, and sobbed into it. The mother took in a deep breath, and threw the pillow to the other side of the room. It smelled to much like fabric softern mixed with copper. She didn't want to think about why it smelled like copper. Bawling harder, she fell onto the bed, still listening to the music though.
"Because I've lost it all, dead and broken. My, back's against the wall. Cut me open. I'm just trying to breathe, just trying to figure it out. Because I built these walls to watch them crumbling down. I said, then I lost it all. Who can save me now?"
Those words.
Those words started the tears again. The words that he daughter was always trying to say to somebody, but never could.
The mother cried out again. She was a monster. She couldn't even see that her own daughter was hurting, that she needed someone to be there for her, that she just wanted somebody to be there for her. That's all that she needed. And yet, the mother couldnt' do it. She was to self caught up to even see how her daughter felt.
"I believe that we all fall down sometimes. Can't you see that we all fall down sometimes? I believe that we all fall down sometimes. Can't you see that we all fall down sometimes?" She cried out again. Her daughter had fallen down. Hard.
"I believe that we all fall down sometimes...Yeah."
