Ruined Secrets of Love [txs] [wlw]

3) Intoxicated Whispers

TW: SA

Calista

Selene
Hey, baby, are ya free? I'm wondering if I can come over?

Eyeing at the message more than twice, I reread it until every word finally sinks in. I bite down on my lower lip, comprehending the choices set out in front of me like a card game of life.

I'm always trying to stay within her reach, never wanting the distance between us to grow. I plead for forgiveness from her, even when they're never my fault. I crave her attention and affections like an addictive drug, blissfully unaware of the unhealthy dose of toxicity she's been injecting into my system day by day. Only when it's too late do I slowly realize the dark truth behind her seemingly flawless composure.

Selene's love for me is unlike anyone else's, with the exception of Giselle's platonic affection. I'm completely under her spell and convinced no one else could care for me as much as she does.

Despite this, a part has recognized the toxicity of our relationship and longing for freedom. However, the guilt of abandoning her keeps me captive in this cycle of a caged bird, unable to break free.

As if I'm a book repleting with endless pages, she is the final chapter that brings everything together. Without her, I would have felt incomplete and lost, like an unfinished story left to languish on a shelf. I am torn between bitter truths and sugarcoat lies, unable to see the true nature of our connection through the haze of my own guilt.

The ethereal and dreamy tones of Lana Del Rey reverberate through my room, it feels as though the world revolving around me fades into the background.

The only thing I could pay attention to is the hauntingly beautiful music pouring out of the vinyl player. As the final notes of "Born to Die" comes to an end. I watch closely with rapt attention as the player now plays the next track, "Diet Mountain Dew."

Both songs are stunning in contrast between the two. A rush of euphoria courses through my veins as I listen to the soothing melody. But a war of conflict sparks within the confines of my rushing thoughts. All returning back to the question... what should I reply back to her text?

With my thoughts running rampant in my head, I decided to offer myself a much-needed moment of peace. My eyes shut tightly as each shallow breath of mine follows an inhale before ending with an exhale. I try to place my mind at ease, but anxious, it towers over me like a shadow ready to consume my existence.

As my eyelids slowly lift like curtains, revealing the warm light once more. I let out a frustrated groan, chewing my lower lip ceaselessly as I came back to consciousness.

The bright screen emits a harsh glare that reflects her message straight into my eyes.

It's just a text, nothing to get worked up about. But her sudden message after days of complete silence feels like a punch to the gut. No apology, not even a simple "hello" until now. No text, no calls, no contact of any kind. And even still, no apology.

My teeth dig into the flesh of my lips as my thumbs dance across the phone screen, crafting a forced reply before hastily hitting send: Hi babe! Yeah! I'm free, and you can come over <33

I impatiently wait for her response, the seconds ticking by like hours as the anxiety in my stomach gnaws at me relentlessly, trying to break free from the confines of my anxious mind.

Just as I am about to succumb to the endless loop of my own thoughts, a sudden notification ding startles me back to reality. My eyes dart towards the screen of my phone, now fixated on a new message from Selene.