Take Me Home | CHANLIX

Rock Me

It was a lie to say Felix didn't have a fairly good idea of what Changbin had planned for the night. But considering how many times in the past couple of days Felix had begged Changbin to fuck him, he should've seen it coming. Changbin didn't know about Chan, didn't know Felix had changed his mind about Changbin or sex or any of it. And how was Felix supposed to break it off with Changbin now, when he'd told him to bring stuff extra clothes and stay the night? Felix may have been a virgin, but his friends in Sydney weren't, and everyone knew what staying the night meant. It had to mean the same thing here that it did in Australia, didn't it?

Felix barely touched the doorbell before Changbin threw the door open, a beam splitting his face. 'Felix, hi,' he said, slightly breathless.

'Hey, Changbin.' Felix stepped past him, glancing at the street before the door shut. He'd been here before, but now he knew where Chan lived too, Felix recognised Changbin's estate as Chan's too. Great. The best friends he was playing lived a few roads down from each other. Guilt bubbled up in Felix's stomach. Knowing Chan lived not far, that he was in the same estate Felix was, made it feel like Chan would someone know Felix was here, like his proximity would enable him to see through the houses between them and straight into Changbin's.

He definitely had to break it off with Changbin. Whatever this was, whatever they were, they had to stop. Maybe if Felix hadn't met up with Chan, hadn't responded to that initial text, hadn't seen him at that party, he could've gone on with Changbin. He wouldn't have known any better, wouldn't have known how heart racing kisses could be or how someone's hands on him could feel like touching a live wire. He wouldn't have known was it was like to be Chan's. How could Felix ever touch anyone else, ever be with Changbin, when it'd only ever be subpar to being with Chan, nothing more than an imitation in search of the real thing?

Changbin's hand settled at the small of Felix's back as he guided him into the house. His hand was warm through Felix's T-shirt, the flimsy material only a thin barrier between them. Images of Chan's hands on him flashed through Felix's mind. Chan hadn't fucked him after their date like promised, but they had spent most of their time wandering Seoul ducking into alcoves and sneaking behind buildings to kiss. With the memory of Chan's mouth on him lingering on his skin, the makeup covering his hickeys suddenly felt caked on, too thick, too heavy, too obvious; Changbin's hand felt like a weighted reminder of the secrets Felix held close, secrets he had to come clean with and fix.

'How was your day with Chan?' Felix asked. Changbin let go of him in the kitchen, rooting through the cupboards and piling things on the counter. A bottle of vodka, lemonade, bags of crisps.

'Yeah, it was good,' Changbin said. 'Most of the time when we hang out we're doing our own thing in the same room, so it was nice to properly chill. We watched about six films yesterday.'

'That sounds nice,' Felix said, keeping his voice as nonchalant as possible. Did Chan and Changbin gossip the way Chan and Felix used to, the way Felix and his friends back in Sydney did? They had to have talked about relationships, right? Had Chan or Changbin mentioned Felix?

'Chan said you and him are good again now.'

'Um, yeah, we're friends again. Been texting again recently.'

Changbin smiled, looking at Felix so kindly he didn't believe Changbin thought they'd done anything other than rekindle their friendship. God, Felix was going to take years off his life with this much guilt eating at him. Changbin was too attractive, too sweet, too boyfriend material-y for his own good. It was a shame Felix couldn't like him the way he liked Chan. Then he could have gotten a boyfriend and his best friend back all in one go, minus all this hassle.

'That's good. Chan's been a lot happier with you around,' Changbin said. 'Why'd you stop being friends, anyway? Oh, Felix, grab some stuff. I thought we'd hang out in my room. Mum's not in but it's nicer in bed than the sofa.'