( DESIRE )

xxiv

( flashback2. )

She still couldn't understand how her boy could be this way. She knew he was going through things, but she would've never guessed that he had such homicidal thoughts and very unhealthy obsessions with people that didn't even know of his existence. It made her sick to her stomach, and she knew exactly what she needed to do. She had to get him some help. She promised herself she was done babying him. He was about to be fifteen, so that was especially a bonus to her thoughts. He was not normal, and although she knew it before, she definitely had it established now.

The mother's eyes scanned over her son's writing because she'd all of a sudden decided that she would take a look at the stuff he'd journaled before. She was in absolute disbelief and distraught. She thought she was doing a fine job raising him, but now she felt like such a failure. She was practically raising a psychopath, and it was like her whole world came crumbling down right infront of her blind eyes.

"Today I stomped a frog to death to feel something. I'm ashamed to admit I felt something, but I still wish it was that stupid ass boyfriend of hers. I just want to rip his face off and turn it into a soup I know Y/N will love. She's always said she liked men that can cook. I can be that man for her even if it isn't a me kind of thing.

She's so pretty. I didn't even know I could be so attracted to someone. I wasn't into anyone for a while. I started suspecting that I was into guys but boy was I wrong."

Her heart pounded in her chest. She didn't know he was like this. It was just like all of the other evil children in movies, but it was also like the psychopaths before they started murdering actual people. Feeling deeply ashamed of herself and the young redhead, she flipped a page over and felt herself choking on her own tongue.

"This annoying ass kid kept talking bad about my Y/N, so I slammed his head into a wall. He bled, but he's going to keep quiet. I know it. If he doesn't, I might end up killing him for real. That was nothing but a threat. I hated the disgusting way he spoke about her. I get that she's gorgeous, but no need to voice your lewd thoughts about the woman I love... Just gross.

I am a little paranoid that he will tell someone what I've done, and if he does I can't even kill myself. I have to do it after I meet Y/N. Well that is unless she loves me back. These sick people in my head are really eating at me, but I'm a little used to it so that's good.

Sometimes late at night I see Y/N come to me. I like it when she's naked and she lays beside me and touches me. I know it's just my imagination though, but I still like to consider it as her. It's almost like I can feel her there with me!! I love it when she kisses me and reassures me that I'm not a complete failure. My mom does reassure me too but I never feel a connection between us. Y/Ns approval is much more important.

But enough about my mom. Let's go back to Y/N and how she's always there with me. I swear I can feel her. There are days where I even touch myself looking at her and it's almost like she's actually doing me. The things I would do just to feel her skin on mine is criminal. I would do whatever she needed me to in order for her to feel pleasure-"

Feeling as if she'd almost threw up, the mother tossed the book away and felt herself shudder once again. She didn't want anything to do with this, but she knew she had to get him help. After a few seconds of staring down as if she'd just been traumatized, that's when she backed away and stood up, a gulp leaving her throat.

"What are you doing in my room??" She heard a low voice ask, causing her to jump up a little right before she turned around to make eye contact with her son. Analyzing his features, she could tell that he was growing more and more upset as he stared into her eyes.

The woman wasn't sure what to say. She'd been caught snooping, so she didn't really think there was anything to say. She wanted her son to trust her, but at this moment she was aware that she also had to let him know that his obsession with this one person wasn't normal at all. It was sick, and imaginary. She didn't want him to grow up to be that kind of person. "Well... I was cleaning your room, and... I found this.."

Taking a step to the side to reveal the little box that caused Jackson's heart to drop to his toes, the mother clenched her jaw and watched his blue eyes widen in anger and frustration. She didn't hear anything but silence from him until he whipped his head back up to her and gave her a, "Why were you going through my shit??!"

Jackson didn't care that he'd just cursed at his mother, he wanted her to know how disappointed and upset he was about her going through his room, thinking she could clean up for him like he was some kind of baby, "Jackson...! You don't use that kind of language with me!! I'm your mother-"

"I couldn't care less if you were my deadbeat fucking father!! What the fuck did you see?!" That's when the female frowned and backed away at the sound of her son's voice raising even louder. She was glad that he was holding whatever it is he wanted to do back, but she could also see that he was clenching his fist, showing that he was still very capable of hurting her.

"I saw all of it. I.. I think you need help." She responded with her own eyes trailing over her son's body language. There was definitely something off about him. He wasn't his usual depressed, slumped over self. He was shivering, his eyes were huge and scary, and his facial features were twitching due to the anger that flowed inside of him.

The teen still didn't dare move an inch, he just kept standing there, shaking as if he was getting ready to cause all hell to break loose, and this really frightened the mother, "I don't need help...!! All I need is Y/N!"

She couldn't believe that she sat around, allowing him to be so depressed and homicidal to the point where he wasn't even scared to face his own mother. It truly hurt her to see him like this. She was manipulating herself into thinking all he needed was help, when in reality his obsession with Y/N had been going on since forever as well, "You're insane... Come on. We're taking you to a therapist right now."

"If you touch me I will slice your head off and tape it to the fucking door to let everyone see. I don't care if I go to prison. Who knows? Maybe even Y/N will hear about me then." The ginger mumbled, the shaking seeming to die down a little. For some reason, that only freaked his mother out even more, and she didn't know how she was going to deal with him.