Everyone say God is my friend but I say monster is my friend.Everyone say I'm liked by God that's why he fullfill my wishes but I say I'm disliked by God that's why my wishes are buried.Everyone thinks I'm monster bcoz I eat food too much , sleep too much, talk to much, ugly too much, and judged ever time in everything. Everyone looks down on me . Everyone laughs at me even my parents.
I'm a disgraced child of my family. My family contains 4 members mummy papa and my brother he is dog but he is human for me I love him the most . My parents always fight . My parents always have high expectations because they spend money on me that's why they need results by any hook or crook but never thought what there daughter wants, what she feels never asked. I'm in depression for about 6yrs , nobody asks what you really feel inside. My parents want that there daughter to be top in class and be top in everything but they never try to understand why can't she do anything.
I like to make friends and wants to spend time but I never did bcoz my mummy never give Permission to go outside , always keeps me inside 4 walls , ik she is worried about me and she care for me but overprotecting is also not good. I'm an extrovert I like to live with happiness love and care but that doesn't exist in my life . My parents always fight and even separate for 3 or more times. I don't like this I always want everyone to stay happy and together but happiness love and care' word doesn't exist in my family.
I gave my 12th exams and result going to come out next month Idk what I have written in exam and I'm in doubt that I'll pass or not I'm totally depressed about that and my parents forcing everyday saying do that course , do this course you will be successful when I say no bcoz I don't like it they say okay what do you want to be then when I say I want to be that and want to do that then they start objections they take out all negative points and ignore all postive points and ignore what there daughter wants. It's not about only this in everything they do that at first first it's very hard to accept it I used to cry every time then and slowly slowly I started to accept my fate and now I don't like anything I'm aimless . Parents asking again and again what do you want to be I ask idk then they get angry and tell too much things to me. Me inside rotten and don't feel anything and just wants to be alone and seeking for peace. I no more feel pain and no more tear comes out.
Day by day I feel like I'm monster bcoz I don't like my family anymore but some love for them still inside for them . I don't like to friends anymore I don't like God I don't like anything . Everyone say human is the one who overthinks itself but that's not true . As an example- I don't want to think about this no I am not like that no it's not me I like my parents and my friends but in mind comes- urge to kill everyone or kill myself (when I'm irritated and angry and they come to put oil to lit the fire more in me ) urge to disappear from the world or want everyone to disappear.
Me who loves cares for everybody but now I want to die or disappear without trace.
I want to express myself but nobody is interested. Even if I express myself everybody start judging me and say I'm monster.
I don't know how to write poem, stories and articles so I write it like this this is me and my feelings ik when people will read this they will say 'she is a monster' and I'M MONSTER and accepting it that's it
