In sweetness | Tayvis

01

May 2020

Quarantine was not what Taylor would point out as ideal. Not by any means. However it protected Taylor. It protected the one she loved most.

Taylor sat on the porch of her Nashville home , her hands against her still relatively flat belly. She knew this was not what was supposed to happen.

She knew he wouldn't like this , he was absent. Lately all they did was fight. How would she ever tell him about the little person growing inside of her. She gave up alot for him. In a way she became an adult. She stopped being wild and going out to party's , she stopped being in the public eye. Or as much as Taylor Swift could do that.

If she wasn't Taylor Swift maybe this would have been a joyous occasion. If she was just Taylor this would have been different. But she was ecstatic, in a way she knew this could only fix her broken and crumbling relationship.

She took a deep breath in , it smelt like it just rained , it smelt like spring and she couldn't help but wonder what would be next time this year.

Here she was , a 30 year old woman , in the twelfth week of her pregnancy. She knew her baby would begin developing soon , becoming its own person , one day she wouldn't be able to protect it.

To Taylor referring to her baby as it seemed parsimonious, as if she has yet to accept the inevitable. However she couldn't stop herself , her baby was well loved by her but by no one else. Simply because no one else knew then. She wanted to call her mom and tell her she was having a baby , her mothers first grandchild , she wanted to make her father proud , she wanted to tell her friends and get excited when she bought baby clothes.

But could she really get excited? No, she knew this was a blissful yet temporary bubble. Sooner rather than later she would have to face the real world. And would anyone really support her having a baby? With her name?

Could she really bring a child into this life of hers which was hunted down to the core and a paradox to everyone who hasn't lived it yet? Was it fair to an innocent human being?

But she wanted this. She did have a miscarriage a few years back and it broke her. She had the miscarriage before she even told anyone about the pregnancy however it still hurt as there was no one to talk to. She had to go on with her life pretending things were just fine.

Something in her gut told her this was her baby. It was meant to be and maybe it would finally all fall into its place and she could be who she wanted.

Her mind drifted to the image she had created in her head , a husband by her side , two kids, her still making music, telling her story's to the world.

She never hated Taylor Swift , just sometimes life was easier for just Taylor rather than Taylor Swift. Or at least that was what she assumed. She wouldn't know.

Would she have ever been happy with a 9-5 job? The same old tiring people day in day out , the same tasks day in day out. Would it even fulfil her? Definitely not the way music did.

Taylor hasn't told Joe about the idea of her album yet. It just felt as if he had enough on his plate, she knew his career wasn't going where he wanted it to go , she felt as if whenever she brought up her career he would show her resentment and she knew it hurt him deeply not being as successful as she was. Or maybe it wasn't the fact that she was succesfull rather than the fact that she was more successful than him. It wouldn't have bothered him if a man was more successful, that's what her friend said. But if all her friends were right , how come they didn't save her back when she needed saving.

She sipped on the tea she had made for herself , she missed coffee in every variation there was , but she needed to keep her baby safe. And coffee was a sacrifice she was willing to make.

It was hot anymore , it cooled down a bit , but alongside the warm breeze of the cloudy may sky it felt cozy. The tea was supposed to taste bitter or so she thought but today it tasted sweet, hopeful and searching for new beginnings.

Her bare feet where tucked under her , her slippers next to the porch swing and Benj kept on eyeing the slippers closely.

The loose fitting shirt that covered her growing belly flattered a bit in the breeze and somehow the breeze brought a hopeful smile onto Taylor's face.

No matter what anyone would tell her , her baby would never be a bad thing. She hoped one day people would be able to understand that this was in no way a burden rather than a blessing.

It was like a flower blooming out of frozen ground , a sensation , rare if you like , however no one would be able to see it. It was her happiness not society's.

Taylor made her way inside , another cat padding across the hardwood floor and Taylor crouched down to the people cats height and gently began petting her.

"You are excited to have another little sibling aren't you?" Taylor cooed snd the cat only purred in response but somehow it felt reassuring.

She heard Joe walking in the hallway , his steps heavy and she could only begin to imagine what their days would be filled with from now on.

His blonde hair and blue eyes felt so unlike her own and with a smile she looked up to him. She had to fix their relationship. And she could do it. She would give it all she had.

This baby deserved both it's parents , a loving home and everything and more the world could offer.

Taylor was quick to pull him into a hug which he returned , she buried her face in his neck , inhaling his cologne knowing she had to hold on to him.

She gently kissed his lips , if only for a short time. She didn't know if it was a myth but she had once heard of your pregnant and you kiss someone , both of you will feel a tingling sensation , all over your skin and body. Maybe like a sparkle.

Where was her sparkle?