His words echoed in my mind, as if I had just witnessed them escape his lips, tearing my life apart into fragments. Each piece seemed to bear the imprint of his name, piercing through me. It felt as though he possessed me, as if my sole existence were created to be devoured by him.
Those words come back to me, each incomplete night and meeting torments me. Yet, consciously or not, I want you to keep tormenting me. Each passing second, I crave your presence. Why do the days and nights remain shrouded in darkness since that moment? I've endured enough, yet I find myself here, patiently waiting for you. After all, it was you who taught me 'patience.'
All of your reasons seemed vague to me, but I didn't want to impose my emotions on you. Only if I had been a bit more selfish, you would've been in my arms. My heart remained pure, brimming with love for you, wishing the same from you. But now, honestly, it is afraid of you.
It has been a year since I've been rotting for your love, sobbing like a teenager going through his first break-up.It was a desire initially, then a request. I don't know whom to blame, but all I know is that I want your thoughts troubling me. At least these thoughts won't leave me like you did.
Why were all these secrets kept? Wasn't I trustworthy? Did the thought of opening up to me, giving me a chance, never cross his mind? Were the three years not enough to prove to him that I love him? I've recalled every memory of us, looking for my flaws. I found a bunch, those were all minor mistakes. I'm only human, after all. But was it fair of Ishan to leave me for them? Oh, my dear Ishan was never brutal.
'Ding'
Lifting my head from the table, my arms remained crossed on the desk as I made the effort to glance at my phone beside me. Normally, it wouldn't disturb my thoughts, but today, for some reason, my heart felt uneasy.
My eyes couldn't comprehend the notification, they shimmered with tears, and another sob escaped from my lips. "Indeed, my sweetheart was never brutal."
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✧*。✧*。✧*。
⌞one year ago⌝
"Ish? Baby?" I gently called him. My heart felt heavy with every step he took. Was I being dramatic? Ishan, my boyfriend, and I were out on a late-night drive. He was the one who suggested it. I was surprised at first because I knew he did not like going out. He preferred staying at home and cuddling on a rainy night like today.Having left the car behind to stroll around as the rain had weakened to a gentle drizzle, we were walking hand in hand until he decided to speed up.
"Ish," I tried to get his attention once again. He flinched a little and looked at me puzzled. It was clear that I pulled him out of his thoughts. Thoughts which, no matter how hard I tried to extract from him, he wouldn't budge. I had no intention of giving up. I wouldn't.
"You seem tired. What's bothering you? You know that you can always tell me what's bothering you. I'm always here for you," I mumbled, catching up with him. I wrapped my hands around his waist, and that's when I noticed that he was shaking. Panic engulfed my body. I immediately cupped his face, staring into his eyes. His doe-shaped eyes were glossy. He bit onto his upper lip to hold in the sob. A hole burned through my heart. Words did not seem to leave my mouth. Without a second thought, I pulled him into a hug, sniffing his hair. The sob he held in was now audibly heard.
"I'm sorry. I d-don't think I can-" I knew what was coming. I did not want this to happen. I did not want to let him go. Unknowingly, my grip on him tightened, my own tears fighting the urge to fall out.
"It's okay, Ishan. You can tell me anything, remember?" Yet, with a heavy heart, I managed to say the exact opposite of what I wanted. What is love without pain?
