In sweetness | Tayvis

03

The next morning Taylor woke up , the bed next to her empty. An empty shell of what the relationship used to be however it wasn't just the metaphor anymore , it was neatly made and whoever laid in it hasn't rested there in a while.

Taylor sighed as a familiar wave of nausea hit her however she didn't feel as if she had to throw up. This was good. Yesterday morning she threw up for a good hour.

Taylor got up deciding to try and find Joe. She needed to tell him. She couldn't sleep well anymore, everything nerve in her body told her not to tell him but what choice did she have.

This was his child and yet she felt as if it was only hers, this was her child to keep and she felt as if he wasn't gonna enjoy the thought of having a child.

As Taylor made her way to the kitchen she found Joe drinking a cup of coffee while reading a book, his glasses were perched on his nose and he was still in his pyjamas

"Morning love, there's coffee left." He said not even looking up from his book and Taylor didn't, as usual, walk over to the coffee machine but rather made herself a cup of tea.

While Taylor was waiting for her tea to be ready she mustered Joe and asked carefully
"You didn't come to bed last night, where were you?"

"I fell asleep in the study, I was phoning my mum." He said in a thick British accent and Taylor couldn't tell why she felt it but her gut was telling her he was lying.

"Can we talk?" Taylor asked as she carefully took a sip of her tea, she still hasn't gotten used to drinking tea rather than coffee

"Sure, but make it quick, I'll have to call mum again in a few." He said completely unbothered and Taylor took a deep breath

"So uhm the thing is a little while ago I found out that I, or better we are going to have a baby, I'm pregnant." Taylor breathed out , a smile gracing her lips as she told him the news her hands quickly coming to rest on her small belly that hasn't really grown yet.

"How?" Joe asked and the disdain was evident from his  voice and it felt as if someone just punched Taylor in the stomach and she closed her eyes.

Didn't she pray enough? Didn't she beg every force she could for a positive reaction, for him to love this baby as much as she did.

"Joe, I know we used protection but sometimes things like this happen and I'm really excited about this." Taylor said trying to purposely showcase her excitement but it didn't seem to work and she bit the inside of her cheek, a habit she had picked up a couple of years ago

"Taylor, why weren't you more careful? We don't want a child. We are not married. We can't have a child." Joe said and his voice was now raised and Taylor felt tears forming in her eyes. Taylor couldn't tell if it were her hormones or if she was genuinely hurt but nonetheless it hurts

"But Joe, I want this child and I know what I am doing, at least I think I am. And we can provide for a baby and after that miscarriage a few years back I am just so glad to be carrying a healthy baby." Taylor said and Joe took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair and he still looked angry and very unpleased.

"This baby is a mistake Taylor. Can't you see this?" He said and Taylor felt tears streaming down her face and she sniffled

"But I love him or her, please Joe can you at least try to be happy? For me?" Taylor asked her voice shaking as she pleaded him to love her and the baby wishing he would just try to love this baby as much as she does

She walked over to Joe cupping his face in her hands as she gently kissed him. The kiss didn't feel anywhere near magical, if anything it felt sickening and bad.

He reluctantly kissed her back but it didn't feel like a kiss full of love and empathy it felt strangling and as Taylor pulled away and Joe held her closer by her waist the little voice inside her head was screaming.

____

As the days passed he began coming on board and Taylor didn't know if it was all an act or if he was genuinely excited but Taylor knew she was excited.

This tiny life growing within her was her miracle, she just prayed she could give this child peace.

She knew this child would be loved more than any other human being alive and that nothing material would ever be too far out of reach but at what costs?

Once it would get out that she was going to have a child it would be plastered everywhere and everyone would know, this is why only a selection of people know.

Taylor has dreaded telling anyone actually but she pushed herself to, no matter how much she trusted them, somehow she didn't trust them enough with this. This was the most precious thing in the world to her and she would protect her child at all costs even from the hunters that the public media was, no trashy magazine would ever be allowed to exploit her baby like that.
No one would be allowed to hurt her baby like they hurt her.

Taylor had her hands on her belly, Greys anatomy softly playing in the background and she saw Joe come in
"Taylor, is dinner ready yet?" he sled and Taylor shrugged

"I'm not hungry you can make something if your hungry, there's some pasta from yesterday leftover, if I eat something now this baby will make me throw up." Taylor said and Joe nodded

"If you would have used protection then we wouldn't have to deal with this now." he said in a snarky voice, Taylor knew it was a joke and that he wasn't serious, he assured her quite alot of times of that but everyone or still felt like a punch in the gut. Maybe it was just her hormones going crazy