Like Flower Petals (Gerard Way FanFiction)

Petunia

I walk down the sidewalk, keeping my head down. Although hardly anyone is nearby I still feel keeping my head down is a favor I'm doing to those who are. My head is pounding with thoughts which makes me want to break down and scream or cry. 

I have always believed that everyone has a fatal flaw, Gerard's is his alcoholism, Jinx's is her pride, Charlie's is her insincerity, and mine is the mentality that somehow I don't deserve to be loved. Its not that the idea of being loved by another which absurd, but the idea that I wouldn't know what to do with it. I'd push it away somehow, creating more pain then there ever needed to be in the first place. This baby would ruin all the boundaries, all the expectations, all the hopes and dreams I had for myself. Never mind the fact that I'm not financially or mentally capable of having a child.

I keep on walking, down the street, pass the shops, and begin to turn around to head back to the apartment. Jinx had to be awake by now, and I really didn't think it was best for me or her to be alone, especially not now. We have always relied on each other and this friendship I have with her will keep me strong during this pregnancy. My pregnancy.

My pregnancy.

This thoughts keep replaying and flashing through my mind as I speed walk towards the apartment.  Suddenly a flicker of hope flickers in me, an image of Gerard and I holding our newborn baby, happy. My shoes are clicking on the sidewalk, and before I know it I'm lightly jogging. The hood of my sweater flies off as it catches the wind.  The cool air refreshes my face and soon enough I feel wide awake, alive.

We all make mistakes right? Everyday everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes minor ones, ones that barely affect us. We go on our merry way and days or weeks later we forget we ever made them.  But sometimes we make bigger ones, sometimes so big that we don't refer to them as mistakes. My baby. Gerard's baby. Our baby would not be a mistake. Our baby wouldn't make me upset. It would be a struggle, it would have always been a struggle. I could never be perfect, I never was, but I could be a  perfect parent for our baby. I could be. 

These thoughts light me up, and a small smile creeps onto my face. I run faster and my breathing becomes slightly labored. I run even faster, so fast the stores around me become some sort of a blur and I have to look away otherwise I run the risk of becoming dizzy. My cheeks are wet and I quickly brush them away with the back of my hand.

Perhaps, perhaps I could do this.