Every night for the past week I've sat and listened to your purring motor
The skipping on the 19th beat that always strikes on an odd number, the way your breathing changes and your heart picks up a pace when I tell you I love you or caress your hand while you slumber
The way your pupils grow when I look into your eyes, the bronze ocean spiraling around them like they have to make room for the emotions you feel. I see so much in your eyes, it's like I can see your inner mechanics working through them sometimes
The way you curl around yourself protectively on your first shift after you fall asleep, your legs moving up and your arms growing around your torso like something might hurt you. A gentle run over the top of your traumatized knuckles and a kiss on the back usually eases you up a little bit, I don't want you to get hypertension from something you can't control
I see the way your eyes close and your lips part when I'm gentle with you, I hesitate to be physical with you sometimes. I know I don't know my own strength, I've been told that all my life. I don't want to hurt you, to make you uncomfortable or anything in that realm. I want to give you the same delicate adoration you've gifted me with, even though I'm not sure I'm capable of that to begin with
I see you staring out the window when we drive through the town you grew up in, your fingers tightening around mine as I run my fingers over yours. I knew the second we entered Starke that you would be quiet in thought. The second we passed that sign I offered silent company, a squeeze of the hand and an offer to talk if you need to, but never any pressure to do so
I love the way you reassure me while I drive, you know how stressful it can be and you know how attentive I am at the wheel; mixed with a habit of getting overwhelmed it's a recipe for disaster. But you quell that with a squeeze on the forearm and a singing voice that genuinely makes my heart beat faster for you. When I hear you drop an octave to match your soul I smile a little, I love that I noticed these small things. It makes me feel closer to you, it makes me feel more in love with you
I love driving out of my way to do things that make you happy, it's the least I can do really. I drive 20 minutes out of the way for the best sunset spot, the pictures and the smile on your face made it all worth it. I drive you back to the road you used to live on and then to go meet your parents, not mentioning the flea market beforehand. It's all so important to you, and it's important to me to understand the places that got you to where you are today.
Time is money and money is time, but I have all the time in the world, and I plan on spending all of it on you
