9-1-1: The Family We Chose

S2 E8 - Buck, Actually

When my alarm clock woke me up from my sleep, my eyes and cheeks were wet from tears, and I felt terrible. My body felt gross and heavy, and it felt like I hadn't even slept.

I had a back to back shift from yesterday to today, and I had almost forgot. I forced myself to get out of bed and take a shower. When I walked into the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror.

My hair was a mess, my face was all puffy; and I had giant bags under my eyes. It really looked like I hadn't slept all night. I took my hand and traced the vertical scars on my stomach, and start to cry again.

God, I was so weak. I couldn't even look at scars without crying. When I got into the shower, I scrubbed my body and soaked myself in hot water. My skin became raw and started to burn from the water. At some point, my cheek started bleeding because of how hard I scrubbed it.

I just didn't want to feel anything anymore. I wanted their touch and their voice gone. I needed it to be gone.

Once I got out of the shower, I stared at myself again. I took my first aid kit and bandaged my cheek up. I knew I was going to be late, so I texted Bobby to let him know.

My shift started at 7, and it was already 8. I had been in the shower scrubbing my body raw for basically an hour. When I pulled my pants on, the fabric burned my skin.

I stared into my dresser, debating between short or long sleeves. My arms were still going to be red and raw, so I decided on the long sleeves. I hadn't worn them in forever, but I didn't mind if they would ask. I just wanted to hide my arms. It was cooler weather anyways, so I could just say I was cold.

I tried tying my hair back, but my hands were shaking like crazy. I gave up and threw my hairbrush at the mirror. It slightly cracks and I my body slides down the wall as tears stream down my cheeks.

I felt like absolute shit. My life felt gone, and different. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I sucked it up and pulled myself back up. I didn't bother to try and do my hair, and just grabbed the rest of stuff.

*

Once I walk into the station, Buck immediately runs up to me with a concerned look on his face.

"Where the hell were you?" He asks.

"Home. Woke up late." I say as I quickly walk to the locker room.

"You never wake up late. Neither does Eddie. Do you know why he's not here either?"

I immediately stop in my tracks.

"Eddie called in late too?" I ask.

"Yeah, like right after you texted Bobby." He says.

I stand there and rub the side of my cheek before heading to the locker room.

"Did something happen between to two of you?" He asks as he follows.

I don't reply and stuff my bag into my locker.

"Something did happen, huh?" He says.

"What happened?" Chim asks as he walks in.

I was about to reply when Eddie walks in. Once he walked in, he immediately brushed past me and walked right out.

"Whoa, did you feel that chill that just blew in?" Chim says.

"What the hell happened between the two of you?" Buck asks.

"Nothing." I say while rummaging through my bag for a hair tie.

I angrily slam my locker shut and lean my head against it.

"Lia, sit down." Buck says as he grabs my hands and brings me to the bench.