An Outcast From My Own

Chapter 1 :How it all began

Looking back I think it all started in the first spring after, I turned sixteen. Incident that left me wondering if my life is always like that or maybe, I'm living in ignorance. I don't know how often but she always seems to be in a haste like a wind swirling in a strom. She always told me " I don't want you to be like me, you are better off on your own" Looking back, now I realise it's not that her words that hurt me, it's the look she gave me after that.A look of disappointment and contempt. I'm no genius neither I'm dumb I'm just teenager with hopes ,dreams and aspirations . Dreams that soon going to be crushed by their own.  I've heard that Family support each other or they atleast pretend so. I think in my case it's neither, my father who is never present for anything. And my mother who is excessively present in my life, that's how I became a timid yet a great actor who knows how to mask her emotions . Being the eldest of all my 3 siblings, I unknowingly beer this keen sense of responsibility and fulfilled it without being acknowledged but then again, it's nothing compared to sacrifices my mother have made. She's no villian in my life but to me, she is just person who I own so much that I can never will be able to pay of. Destiny that's the name she gave to me not out of affection or care but out of spite. There are many things I wanted to discuss with her but, she never had that kind of time for me. Now I  know why she did that. The first time our opinions clashed with each other is when, or the first time I had gallantry to fight for my self, was in the 2nd year of high school. I have to choose a stream to carry forward. I wanted to choose 'Arts', as my passion for history is ever growing from start. She opposed my views and said "only a slothful person will choose something like that, and I know you are not one of them", being the way I am this time I stand up for myself. Only to be told that she is just endured with me all these years just because, to her I can become someone she can rely on in future and nothing more.She told me " did you think that I cared for you"?
"You are just  a problematic child ". I argued alot but I was not capable to take that decision myself, that time. But this argument with her is just start of never ending downfall of our relationship. This incident left a deep impact on my mind. This made my relised ,how powerless I was in taking the decisions for my own existence . Now I have a determination that no one can break or take away from me.