"Isabella, you need to eat mi amore" My mother said sliding a plate with toast smothered in grape jelly on it. "Mama I'm not hungry though" I protest pushing the plate back across the table.
"Isabella I know you're nervous, it is a new school after all but you need to eat or you will get sick." She protested back shoving the plate in front of me firmly. Sighing I grab the piece of toast and grumpily take a bite out of it, making her smile in satisfaction.
Long story short; my mom found my dad cheating with his secretary they got a divorce and then my mom moved us all the way to San Diego. Now I wouldn't have minded if she would have waited until the next school year, but nope she moved us right smack dab in the middle of it.
The worst part of this is I had to leave my best friend Amelia. She was the only one I had who got me through my parents divorce. Now I'm stuck here all alone, drowning in my thoughts.
To sum up how I feel, for one I overthink, I also have the worst anxiety and social anxiety, I'm very insecure and conscious about my body, and worst of all I have the absolute worst depression.
My mom knows I struggle but she doesn't know I struggle. Her last marriage was my step dad but my real dad left me a couple years ago. So I have horrible ptsd from that part of my life which causes my trust issues.
My mom hates my trust issues because si push everyone away, but how can I trust they won't just up and leave me like my dad did? I don't get too close to people because I am too afraid to get an attached and for them to abandon me.
The worst of all I have a phrase that I will always and forever stick by 'fake it till you make it' and boy am I good at faking it. Truth be told people always think I'm so happy and joyful but not really it's just all an act.
After waving her hands in front of me for a good 30 secs I snap back into reality and somehow end up at the front door putting my shoes on and heading out the door. Since I live maybe a 2 mile walking distance my mom told me to walk, which is just great cause now I have to face the first day of school all alone.
As I walk down the side walk I look up seeing the crowded school and I start to feel my chest tighten. Panic attacks have been a normal for a while so I just push through and walk through the big white and blue doors revealing the principle.
"Hello! You must be Isabella I'm Mr Carter it's a pleasure to have you joining our school" this tall man said before shaking my hand rapidly. At almost an instant I rip my hand away feeling uncomfortable even though I shouldn't and I look around seeing almost everyone staring at me making me gulp and put my head down.
Time skip
It's been like 4 hours since I first entered the doors and on the inside I feel like absolute dog crap but on the outside I'm smiley and quiet. I somehow already made what I can say is a person I can 'talk' to like a friend because I don't trust anyone fully until they prove themselves.
Her name is Jessica and so far she has introduced me to what she calls 'the gang' which includes a brunette gay guy named Chris and another brunette named Michael. Those too have apparently been in a relationship for a year and a half and are quite cute I'm not gonna lie.
I have been made aware of who not to mess with or go near, what I mean but that is stay the hell away from a guy named Xavier and as jessica calls them his 'goons'.
Apparently this Xavier guy is very cold and rude and is quite literally a 'man whore'. It's not like I was planning on getting into some guys pants anyway but whatever.
It was lunch so me and the 'gang' headed to the cafeteria and they showed me their regular table they sit at and turn around heading for the lunch line.
After noticing me not following them Jessica spins around and stomps toward me playfully "aren't you coming to get food?" She asks curiously to which I just shake my head no.
Her eyebrows furrow into concern but she just sighs and turns back around heading towards Chris and Michael.
Turning back around I somehow lock eyes with the one and only Xavier. He was with his friends two tables away from mine but he wasn't in the conversation with them, he was looking at me.
His eyes were a hazel and his hair was fluffy and different shades of brown. He had very small freckles scattered along his nose and under eye area as well.
His eyes practically bore into mine and his face is a cold expression but there's some type of emotion I can't describe that I can see in his eyes.
After realizing how long it had been I looked away and pulled out my phone texting my mom. She asks me every day if I have eaten and although I have lying to her I say yes every time. She should never find out anyway so I'm good I think.
Everyone got back and sat around me at the table and we all talked, I was shaky and anxious but me being the expert I am I covered it up and acted fine.
Another time skip....
The bell has just rang and I get up from my last class and make my way through the busy crowds and out those same white a blue doors.
Pulling out my phone with shaky hands I let my mom know I'm out of school and headed home making sure the house key was in my pocket.
After arriving I unlock the door and go straight upstairs to my room shutting my door and collapsing onto my bed tiredly groaning.
Before I knew it I was out and in a peaceful sleep my anxiety slowly calming down from the overwhelming day.
YOU ARE READING
Broken
Romance"Let me ask you one thing Isabella, what are you so afraid of" the look on my therapist face was of genuine curiosity. But how do I tell her I don't even know myself what I'm scared of?
