a year's worth of secrets

chapter four

so i think its pretty obvious.
i think its pretty obvious who i was talking about.

& if you dont know by now, then you are probably even more clueless than i am, if its even possible.

i mean im pretty stupid. in pretty much every way possible.

so yea this guy pretty much had me under his control, sadly.

i watched him, i dreamt about him, & i even had fantasies of him or whatever. pretty much what every girl does, right?

i was hooked like a fish, unable to free myself & unaware of what exactly was happening with me.

i even wrote a song. can you believe that? crazy, right? well yea, i was crazy, crazy for him. ugh i sound like every other girl & so stupid.

id spend the periods i had with him staring at him, without even noticing. id watch him so much that i would miss the lessons, explains my stupidity. ugh hes basically the reason why i was having trouble in math now that i think about it, because i spent that hour obsessing over him. oh how stupid i was to "fall" for him.

well yea, hes that one dude that everyone kept asking me how i feel about, just to make it clear.

tbh he was all i could ever think about, even when i tried my hardest not to. ugh you little bastard, you made my head spin inside.

but i hated that there was so much drama about him, me, & him & me. sometimes i just wanted to yell at everyone saying, "YEA OKAY I LIKE HIM, IN FACT I THINK I LOVE H**T*R!!!"

so that ^ would happen in my mind all the damn time. it was really annoying.

he, too, was also extremely annoying. it really bothered me. he bothered me. hed say the stupidest things & be just so damn irrelevant.

i wanted to tell him so many things, but i couldnt. i didnt want to be rejected (although he kinda had already done so). i wanted to tell him how i felt, but i never seemed to get the words out. just so many things i wanted to tell him, so many.

but why would he give a singe damn? he was one of the "coolest" & "most popular" kids. typical.

i loved him so much that i hated him, & i hated him so much that i loved him.