Tattle Tales

Tale One (1)

A sweet yet annoyingly slow melody pierced through my sleep. I sprung up, frantically searching for the source of the sound - I can't let the baby wake up, a thought seared in my mind even in my half asleep state.

I found it, and silenced it. I finally looked around me and towards my sleeping husband and daughter. A mental sigh of relief as I got up and went straight to work. They need to sleep and I need the time to concentrate, I hope it's a better day today.

I work at home as a customer care manager and I am very dedicated to my job. I'm needed at my job, my clients appreciate me. I have a very young baby and a husband who works in the office - he also is a customer care manager. While I work at home I have to tend to my duties as a mother as well, I'm the only one here with her during the day.

"Mama!" My daughter was awake. That was 1 hour of focus so I got the more important reports done.

I looked at her chubby cheeks and bright eyes with messy hair and allowed myself a small soft smile. She has so much energy I thought.
I know what she wanted so I got up to turn on the TV for her.

"Did you change her diaper?" I heard his voice. I must have woken him up.
"No, she just woke up." I replied hoarsely. My voice sounded so coarse and dry. It was my first sentence of the day after all.
"Change it then." He responded flatly. I've always despised mornings.

After changing my daughter's diaper, I turned on the TV for her, gave her yogurt and some fruits and water then went back to my office chair. I have some additional reports I needed to complete.

I didn't complete the reports in time. My boss got angry and I got frantic. My world was closing in on me. My chest tightened, my breathing got raggedy, my mind ravaged by my thoughts.
Am I a failure? Am I not needed anymore? Where did I go wrong when I planned it out perfectly? I just got promoted, I can't lose this!

I snapped back to reality. I just need to calm down. He got the reports at the end, I'm sure the delay wasn't so major.

My husband was about to leave home to head to work. Another mental sigh of relief.

I just came out of a meeting and I have 15 minutes until the next one. I took this time to quickly change my daughter's diaper, gave her snacks and put the TV back on her favorite show.

I never had time to eat. I never had time to make something. I never had time.
Work took that time. I spent this morning making breakfast for my husband and hardly touched mine because I had to focus on work.

I was on a meeting when my daughter started crying. I looked over on her and did a quick scan, she wasn't injured, I had already changed her, she's not hungry - she just wants attention. I couldn't give her attention so I placed myself on mute and let her continue crying. I couldn't move until the meeting ended. This happens everyday.

My migraine flared up. My energy levels are low and my muscles screamed in tense pain. It was a long and tiring day. It wasn't the best day but some good was in it. I got some things accomplished but as usual, my attention had to be split between work and the baby. If I wanted to finish the day's work, I had to stay some extra hours.

I made a small cup of oatmeal porridge for my daughter. It's quicker and less stressful to make. I took a look around the bedroom and realized the mess that was made.

I need to clean this quickly before he comes back home.

The thought rang through my head like a mantra. I moved quickly. I can't manage it when he's upset. I just can't!
Then I remembered, "I didn't cook..." I mumbled. I was now on distress.

I texted him the update quickly.

"Why?" He responded.
I left him on read.

Why do I dread the idea of him coming home?

I heard the tires skid against the stones in the driveway as it fought it's way up. The house grill shook to confirm he's now here. I made a mental check of everything, only dinner wasn't cooked.

"Why were these things left in the hallway?" Was his greeting.
"I didn't see them." I responded meekly.
"Why didn't you clean up the kitchen?" He was getting more upset now.
"I'm sorry, I forgot about it." I answered quietly.

He huffed and walked away. He cleaned the areas he complained on but I didn't appreciate the 'help'. If I did it then I wouldn't be feeling like this.

That might I rested my head on the pillow while I think of ways to make tomorrow better. My tears fell silently. I have to make it better.

The alarm woke me up again. I had placed my phone on the bedside table so I found it easily. I looked at the curtains blocking the comforting light of the morning sun. The room was dark. In the corner sat my desktop waiting for me. The scent was stale but I didn't notice. It was the same thing yesterday. It will be the same tomorrow.

Work needs me. Work appreciates me. I'm going to start work. Once I powered on the computer, my negative reality faded away. I'm at a place where I'm appreciated. I am seen. It's not the best place, but it's better than home.

The cycle repeats. The days would have never gotten better.

THE END