Marauders Oneshots

James and the Soapy Incident

"James, pleeease! I'm begging you. Just help me out a bit for this homework. Or at least tell me what year the Goblin Rebellion started!" Sirius pleaded to James.

"Nope. You should've been paying attention during class, just like you normally do." James retorted with an evil smirk.

Sirius scoffed, "It's not my fault Emily Meadowbays was giving out free discounts to Honeydukes!"

"Hmm," James contemplated, almost giving Sirius hope, "how about... no." James cackled and ducked down to the end of his bed. He picked up one of Peter's old socks and chucked it at Sirius's head. He then quickly ducked under his covers so Sirius wouldn't be able to do anything and laughed into his pillow.

Sirius gasped and poked his tongue out at James' form under the covers. "Fine," He said in a slightly menacing tone, "but we'll see. You won't be the only person going to sleep laughing at their friend." He said with a scheming glint in his eye.

James took nothing of the supposed empty threat, although maybe he should have...

***

The next morning business around Hogwarts went about as usual until lunch time. Everyone was making their way towards the Great Hall, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter included. 

Sirius looked around the corridor discretely. He just couldn't find that telltale red hair anywhere- wait, no, he found her.

Suddenly, Sirius screamed out. "EVERYONE MOVE! JAMES IS ON FIRE!"

Some people screamed, others grabbed their friends and pushed themselves against the walls of the corridor. James was the only one left standing in the middle, looking very confused.

"Sorry for the false alarm folks, don't worry, my dear friend James Potter is not on fire, however, I do have a very entertaining show here for you today." Sirius said, and pointed his wand at the absolutely baffled James. "Supplay Aguamenti!" He said, directing the spell at James' shoes.

Suddenly, James started slipping all over the marble floors.

"SIRIUS! What have you done!?" James cried out as he flailed his arms around like an octopus, trying to steady his feet. "My shoes! You've put put soapy water on my shoes!" He shrieked like a girl.

By now, everyone was laughing at the hilarious sight of the ever so perfect James Potter being made a fool of. He was slipping all over the place, his face flushed and scrunched up in fear of falling flat on his buttocks. He tried hard to keep his balance, but years of honed Quidditch skills did nothing to help the poor teenager. 

The one person who was laughing the most however, was Lilly Evans: just the person Sirius wanted for to see James. This was the perfect revenge on James for not helping him with their History of Magic homework (especially with upcoming exams!), and with James' troll sized crush on Lilly, humiliation in front of her was the best payback.

James sliding around the floor like a slippery pea went on for not too long before the shocked form of Professor McGonagall appeared at the end of the corridor.

Her eyes first went round as galleons at the sight before her, and then she sputtered out some incoherent words.

"Wh-what is going on!?" She shrieked, "Who did this? Potter, what in Merlin's name is happening?"

James tried to explain, but all he managed was to point an accusing finger in Sirius' direction who was cackling with tears pouring down his face.

"AAOOOH!" James screeched. He sounded oddly like Filch, which sent everyone into another fit of laughter. No one went up to help him either, as they all found it quite satisfying to see Gryffindor's perfect prince lose his meticulous facade. 

He humphed and finally managed to get up, only to slip on the soapiness of his shoes and go sliding along the length of the corridor.

What happened next was not a part of Sirius' revenge plan...

Inches away from falling yet again, James grabbed onto the closest thing to hold him up. Unfortunately for him, the nearest thing happened to be McGonagall. 

The wizard boy in his fifth year went sprawling down the wet floor, the 50-something year old professor right along with him. The sight would've been hilarious if the person falling with James was anyone else other than McGonagall. Her robes fell all over her in a tangle, her hat squished and her spectacles askew.

McGonagall was red in the face, lines of absolute anger drawn into her forehead. She pulled her wand out from her robes and fixed James' shoes as well as cleaning up the floor. 

"Everybody out of here immediately!" McGonagall said in a stern voice, while fixing her hat. "And you four," she pointed at James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, "you're coming with me." She said with her lips pursed, heading towards her office. 

"Professor, I'm sorry, but Remus and Peter had nothing to do with this, please let them go." Sirius said.

McGonagall gave Sirius a calculating look. Stiffly nodding her head, she dismissed the other two with a flick of her wrist. She continued her way down the corridor, James and Sirius shuffling behind her, their heads hung low.

When they finally reached McGonagall's office, before entering, the professor turned to the two boys standing behind her. "Mr. Black, did you cast the spell on Mr. Potter's shoes?"

"Yes, professor." Sirius mumbled, looking ashamed.

She sighed, "Fine, come in then. You too Mr. Potter, if you would."

The trio walked into McGonagalls office, only to see Professor Dumbledore standing at McGonagalls desk, sucking a sherbet lemon.

"A-Albus?" McGonagall said, clearly not expecting the headmaster to be there.

"Yes, Minerva. It's me," Dumbledore said with his lips twitching upwards and a bright shine in his eyes. "Would you be ever so kind to let Misters Black and Potter free."

"But Sir, are you even aware of what happened?" McGonagall exclaimed.

"Oh yes, I'm quite aware. I have my resources on what happened earlier on." Dumbledore said, smiling properly now, "And I'm quite well aware that Mr. Black here didn't intend for you to fall as well. You may go now, thank you."

James and Sirius didn't need to be told twice. They quickly shuffled out of the room before Sirius burst out laughing.

"Do you even know how funny you looked?!" He exclaimed, "And I got off without any trouble either! Aah, I love Dumbledore."

James however, wasn't amused.

"You fool. Was this because I didn't help with that History of Magic homework?" James asked.

"Yep." Sirius grinned.

"Urgh, you are so annoying."

"Whatever, I'm sure Lily loved the show."

James's eyes suddenly widened in horror. "What?" He whispered.

"Oh Merlin, James, Lily was there. She saw everything along with the other fifty people or something." Sirius guffawed. 

"Lily saw me!?" James cried out. "That's it Sirius, we're moving to Australia some city far far away, because I will never EVER be able to face Lily again!"

"Oh you sure will..." Sirius trailed off as he saw Lily approaching them.

James turned paler than Nearly Headless Nick right then, and started spluttering like a house elf about to be freed.

Lily walked right up to James, her green eyes glowing bright with amusement. "Nice show Potter, it was great to have a good laugh after so long." She said with a smirk, nodding to Sirius and shouldering her way past the two boys down the corridor. 

"Sirius, mate. I made her laugh! She said it was nice! I made Lilly Evan happy! YES!" James cried out to Sirius as soon as Lilly was out of earshot, forgetting all his previous worries. 

Sirius simply shook his head at his love struck best friend. "Oh James, you adorable little school girl."