Useless, Exhausting, Whining about it.

1

Buck is tired, he can't breathe, he can't think he is numb and the one person he would talk to refuses to listen to him refuses to hear that he dropped the lawsuit. No one knows he dropped it. He asked the brass to not say anything, that he wants to be the one to say it to tell them they were right.

"Eddie I just...why are you so pissed at me!" Buck doesn't understand why his best friend is treating him like a pile of shit.

'Because you are.'

"Because you're exhausting, we all have our own problems but you don't see us complaining about it." Eddie spits venom at Buck, his heart sinking anymore, when he thought that he couldn't get any number, anymore lost Eddie found a way to do it. "Somehow we just manage to suck it up." For a split second Buck allows the words to rip his mask off, allowing the words to hurt him at this second.

Useless

ExhaustingWhining about it

"That kind of harsh, not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck." Chimney chimes in but Buck doesn't hear it the way he meant it. His brain scoffs at him and tells him something else.

'Wow,

they hate you so much that you don't even have a name anymore,you're just 'guy' guy.'

"No but he filed a stupid lawsuit, and now I can't talk to you because of it. You know how much Chris misses you?" Buck feels his heart shatter as he holds the tears that he thought were empty back trying to get the words out but can't.

Kill yourself

Useless

"How could you, you're not around. You know how exhausting it is to have to get him through the nightmares you caused!" Buck feels his heart stop and right when he goes to finally speak there is a loud crash outside the building.

Kill yourself

UselessExhaustingWhining about itKill yourself, kill yourself

'You should kill yourself,

if not for yourself do it for the others they would be better off if you died.'

Buck feels his vision tunnel as he ditches his grocery's in the aisle, walking to the jeep head spinning and heart instead of pounding it feels like it is barely beating. He wants to cry but he can't anymore, he gets in the jeep locking the door taking a deep breath leaning back trying to compose himself. He throws his sweats on since he has been living in his jeep and a dark hoodie on pulling the hood up.

'Your on blood thinners Evan,

there are so many ways to end the pain with them.'

Buck turns on the jeep and pulls out of the parking lot, instead of going home he pulls into a craft store. He needs to calm down, but what if he doesn't? Why should he, he is stupid and not worth having a place on this earth, he is just...

Useless

UselessUseless

He looks at all the things that could kill you smiling, shaking his head when he just walks out and thankfully when the fire truck pulls up right when he gets in his jeep and goes home.