Low Stress: Puppy-Love (Jikook)

Chapter Eight: All Bark, No Bite

Jimin leaned against his bathroom door, rubbing his eyes. If he could just push hard enough, maybe the pressure could somehow subsequently push the anxiety out of his brain.

He's made the mistake of having coffee with his breakfast. The caffeine turned his veins into live wires under his skin. Jimin had hoped for a boost before the long day ahead of him, and instead there he was, stuck in his room, with his hands shaking and his heart pounding. Even worse, the coffee was making his mind race.

Each day back from Busan was a bit of a mind-fuck. A year really wasn't that long to be away, but his friends passed the year together, growing and changing at the same time, while his own journey was so isolated. Taehyung and Jin stayed close through calls and visits, but still it was different than living the experience with them. It was getting hard to shake off the feeling that he had so much to catch up on and so much to catch his friends up on, too.

But where exactly was he supposed to fit everything he'd been through? It wasn't like he wanted to dump everything on them, not when they were all excited for him, least of all dump any of it on Jungkook. 

Jimin swallowed, the caffeine was painful. His ribs were heavy against his lungs, like they were shrinking to constrain him. Jungkook was picking him up any second to go to Seoul's Opera House from Taehyung's apartment, but Jimin was nowhere near ready to see him. It felt complicated and emotional and strange every time he'd seen Jungkook since coming back and he thought hanging out alone together would help things feel more normal, but it only made him feel more insane. Blacking out the last time they talked hadn't helped either. 

Seoul had stayed the same: the air smelled the same, espresso pooling from every cafe that sat on every street, the slight breeze that never left the city pushed against his skin, the odd quiet that settled the streets despite the rush of cars and people dressed in muted colors walking past, the laughter of his friends, the warmth of Hoseok's apartment, the quiet cool of Taehyung at his side, and Jungkook's wide eyes always observing the room around him. Everything was the same. So familiar it was like having a limb returned to him, and yet that familiarity made the adjustment back only that much harsher. Made the contrast that much more brutal.

Jimin sat down on his bed, sighing. He needed to stop this loop of thought. It wasn't helping. He just needed to keep exposing himself to the bright things in his life like his friends and his future, instead of sinking into himself and the pit of Busan. How would his friends react if he told them about everything Busan had put him through? Jimin closed his eyes, trying to cool the thoughts but they kept coming - where would he even start if he tried to talk about it? Did they really need to know? Taehyung knowing should be enough. 

He guessed it didn't matter. Not with Taemin coming to Seoul in a couple weeks. If all goes well, maybe he can get his meeting with Taemin over with fast and none of his friends would notice the dancer's visit or Jimin's absence. Get his journal back and leave. Then he could go back to living in the comfortable narrative that Busan was a silly story about a silly school and a silly fling that had a messy yet silly end. He could move on to this new job, this amazing opportunity to dance for Seoul's Opera House. Navigate who he wanted to be, who this new him even was, without ever having to address the year that had passed. If the rest of his friends believed that narrative, maybe he could too.

That was the goal, anyway.

Fixing things with Jungkook was a good place to start. Thinking about Jungkook made his chest hurt in a funny way, but that was something he could compartmentalize easily along with everything else. First step to moving on was this date. Or - hang out. This...meeting?... he had with Jungkook today.

They used to be so close before everything blew up. Jimin wanted so badly to get back to that but every step they've both taken trying to get back to how they used to be before Jimin left kept imploding. Jimin put his hand on his chest, really trying to regulate his breathing because the shaking just wouldn't stop. His body was betraying him, and he need to fucking chill and stop shaking.

"You're taking Jimin to the Opera House right? He'll be out in a sec. I think he's still getting ready." Taehyung said from the other room as their front door opened. A low voice mumbled a response and Jimin heard the heavy footfalls of Jungkook's shoes as he walked inside. Jimin's chest did that funny thing again where it bloomed with nerves and excitement. Joy and rage and grief followed.

He really should have skipped that coffee.

"All good." Jungkook said, his voice slightly hesitant like he was observing Taehyung's reactions. Jimin knew his best friend's face was a hard one to read. Jungkook opted for an olive branch. "I can't remember the last time I was in here." 

Jimin looked at his bedroom door. He just needed to get up and walk to the door. Please, stop, he begged his body to calm down. His mind had fallen to a white noise, which was better than the circle of anxious thoughts beforehand, but he still couldn't get up. Please. It's just Jungkook.

"I can't think of when the last time was either." Taehyung said - though the thought seemed more like a slip-up than a conscious choice to share. After a second, one where Jimin imagined Taehyung blushed, Taehyung changed the subject: "are you and Hoseok okay? You guys seemed tense at the restaurant."

Jimin frowned. He didn't remember anything about them fighting that night. God, how much memory was he missing?

Jimin knew that Jungkook was running a hand through his hair without having to physically see him do it. It was a habit of his when he didn't know what to say. 

Jimin smiled, focusing on Jungkook's mannerisms as a way to calm down and get up. Jungkook forgot to blink when he was spacing off. He rolled his shoulders back before he competed in anything: sports, video games, arm wrestling. Jungkook nodded when he laughed but didn't understand a joke. When he truly found something funny, he grinned and then a laugh flooded out of him all at once like an attack on his body. The more Jimin focused on someone else's body and less on how unstable his own was, the more he was able to shake off the anxiety that was keeping him seated on his bed. His legs started to move, and he was able to stand up, shaking his hands out as he walked towards his door.

"I don't know. We're in a weird spot right now." Jungkook answered.

Jimin paused, turning around to grab Jungkook's leather jacket off his cabinet. 

"Taking Jimin on a date won't help your case." Taehyung said. "Just be smart about this, Jungkook."

"Remember when you shut me out for a year? That really helped my social case too." Jungkook said, but the tone wasn't malicious. "And it's not a date."

Jimin stopped. 

"I took you to that whiskey bar to make it better, didn't I?" Taehyung said back and Jimin could hear the grin in it. He furrowed his brow, Taehyung never mentioned taking Jungkook out to drink. "That was a really friendly thing for me to do. Very big of me."

"Right." Jungkook said back. "The way into my love and forgiveness really is a drink."

"Good to hear I've been forgiven, then?" Taehyung said without missing a beat, but his voice was sincere. A rope was tossed and Jungkook grabbed hold of it.

"As long as I've been, too." Jungkook said back. Jimin assumed his friends shared a look because they went silent. What was he still doing in his room? Hiding, probably. 

"Look. I'm going over to Hoseok's tonight but-" Taehyung lowered his voice and Jimin couldn't hear what words followed. He opened the door then, walking out and was surprised to see Jungkook's eyes locked on Taehyung with his mouth hanging open.

Taehyung's tan face was slightly red, but the blush wasn't a shy one. He was standing tall, his jaw locked and frowning in the way most people misread for being uninterested or angry. In reality the frown showed Taehyung meant whatever he had said.

"Thanks." Jungkook held Taehyung's stare for a second, a little shell shocked, before turning his attention to Jimin. Jimin reached his hand out, holding Jungkook's leather jacket for him to grab. Jungkook took it and their fingers touched causing Jimin to shiver before he shrugged it over his shoulder's. Jimin tried to ignore the urge to climb Jungkook like a tree with the way his muscles stretched to put the jacket on. 

The world tilted the second their eyes met.

"Ready?" Jungkook asked and Jimin nodded breathlessly, waving goodbye to Taehyung and following Jungkook out the door.