Boundless

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟏

At some point in my life, I must have angered fate-perhaps I wished on a cursed star, trespassed on ancient ruins, or danced over an unmarked grave-because the last four months have brought an unimaginable string of bad luck.

Not only did I lose my father to the dark lord, but I also fell into drug addiction and entangled myself with dangerous people. To make matters worse, the dark lord's son joined my school and my circle of friends. To make matters worse, just days after Sebastian and I took a break, he moved on with another girl.

I admit, I wasn't the kindest soul in the castle. I'm known to bitch and moan about others when I'm upset, and I'm not particularly caring towards strangers. But did I truly deserve all this karma?

My mind kept replaying the events in the infirmary while the joint in my hand slowly burned out.

I was sitting on the floor of my dorm, my back leaning against the foot of my bed, watching birds flutter past my window occasionally. I lost track of time, too numb to care about its passage.

I knew Sebastian didn't really owe me loyalty since we were on a break, though part of me hoped we'd get back together. Deep down, I knew it was foolish to think that way.

Over the summer, I made some bad choices, ones that would let Sebastian off the hook and leave me to be hung out to dry.

I was tired of feeling stuck and miserable in my dorm while everyone else seemed to be moving on with their lives, worried only about whether their crushes liked them back and which friend was talking about them behind their back.

I missed having normal problems. I wanted to go back to being the girl who was only loud at parties and blushed when a guy flirted with her.

But this summer forced me to grow up, to take care of myself and not be naive. That's probably why I now dislike anyone who resembles the old me.

Deciding to shake off my funk, I jump up and race around my room, fueled by a mix of anger and eagerness.

I throw on a dress I clearly outgrew over the summer, but it's short and leaves nothing to the imagination. What better way to stick it to an ex-boyfriend? Isn't that a typical teenager thing to do?

I text Pansy on my way to a party in the Gryffindor common room that I heard about this morning on my way to class.

Parties thrown by the Gryffindors aren't all that bad. I almost never remember how I get home or what I did most of the time, which usually means I had a wild night.

And I felt like I deserved another night like that. Lately, I'd been tense about admitting my addiction, worried Sebastian would find out or Ominis would tell him. But now, I wasn't Sebastian's problem anymore, and that hurt more than I wanted to admit.

Entering the common room, I saw Pansy already dancing on a table. I was two hours late and had a lot of catching up to do.

Trying to tug my dress down slightly, I walk towards the group. "Stella!" Enzo cheers, raising his red solo cup in the air.

I put on my best sociable smile, though I know I have to dial it back. "Party doesn't start until I get here, isn't that right?" I smirk and take a sip of Pansy's drink, almost getting knocked over by her excitement at my presence tonight.

"It's never dull when you're here," Theo added, making me feel justified in my decision to come. The only one unimpressed by my arrival was Mattheo, who kept his eyes on me while a girl clung to his neck.

I shoot a small, fake smile before Draco and Blaise guide me to the drinks table. "You've got to try this drink Theo came up with, S," Draco speaks loudly over the music, much louder than necessary, leading Blaise to slap the back of his head for nearly deafening him.

The three of us stand by the drinks, waiting for me to catch up, though doing shots on an empty stomach is a cry for help.

Once I no longer feel my heels hurting, I follow them back to the group, but half of them are already surrounded by different girls while I roll my eyes.

Free from Sebastian and no longer owing anything to Ominis, I felt I could indulge in some drugs without being nagged.

With that thought, I found Theo, who had connections with the best dealers at school.

Theo slipped an acid pill into my hand. We made sure no one was watching and swallowed them together.

As the night progressed, everything became hazy and uncontrollable. I clung to who I thought was Pansy by her short dark hair and bangs.

Without realizing, I ended up leaning against a wall in the school hallway, Mattheo in front of me, his appearance shifting in colorful hues.

I kept my hands on him for balance, which he didn't seem too thrilled about, but he tolerated it. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" Mattheo whispered harshly.

I giggled at his feeble attempt at authority. "Don't be such a prude. You're friends with Theo; I bet you've done the same stuff," I said, prodding his chest.

"We're not talking about me, Black," he countered, but I scoffed and let myself slump against the wall, Mattheo cursing as he caught my head.

"Why did you do it?" I asked softly, squinting as the light from his body grew too intense. "Do what?" he replied, staying close.

"You hit him. Why did you hit him for me?" I looked up at him. "He deserved it," Mattheo growled.

I shake my head no and push Mattheo's chest to get him off me. "Don't you think I deserve it?" I yell at him. "Isn't that why you're here? To make me suffer? I wouldn't even be surprised if you pushed him onto the girl," I snap, feeling tears well up in my eyes again. Pathetic.

"I don't want to ruin your life, Stella. I didn't even know who you were till I got here," Mattheo confessed, stepping closer again.

My mind was foggy with anger and confusion. "Why couldn't he have just killed me instead?" I cried, collapsing to the floor.

"Don't fucking say that," Mattheo barks as he follows me to the ground. He grabs my head and forces me to look up at him. "Don't wish to die. You're stronger than that," he tells me, a look of concern clouding his eyes.

"You don't even know me," I mumble. "You don't think people talk about you? All your friends do is speak about how bubbly you were last year. You were top of your class, the talk of the school every week," Mattheo confesses, and I wipe my tears off my cheek.

"You were right when you said I couldn't replace you in your group, and I don't want to anymore. I don't hate you, Stella. I feel sorry for you."

Was Mattheo apologizing, or was I tripping harder than before?

"I don't want to be pitied. I'm fine," I said, clearing my throat and brushing my hair out of my face.

"You're far from fine, and you have been for a while," he spoke calmly, gentler than I'd ever heard him.

I groaned and tried to stand on my own, but Mattheo helped me up. "I'll be fine," I repeated, but he just tilted his head, looking down at me like a concerned parent.

"It'll be fine," I whispered, letting my feet take me back to my dorm, or at least a dorm.

Mattheo didn't follow, but I don't think he believed my words.