Bound to Fall

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1

From a break-up to a new employment, it wasn't that bad experience, it was so so so fucking shit- bad. Hindi ko nga alam kung pa'no na survive ang phase ng buhay ko na 'yon pero look at me right now, I'm on my second job.

Should I be happy and moved on now?

I guess, the late-night self-conversation and tears were worth it.

Because on my second job, the heavens probably saw my suffering and gave me a job that could take me to new beginnings.

I was shocked.

How could I? Bakit nga ba? Pa'no nga ba nangyari 'to? Bakit, bakit ako mapapadala sa Hong Kong for a project? Saka bago pa lang ako, I've been here for two months...The first month is to fill-up some form for working visa and get used to the system. That I haven't really used to pa talaga. They just broke the news to me sa unang araw ko sa office. They told me that two in-house system data needed to be merged because of a huge deal.

Good for them. That could probably give them millions. Yay.

Anyway, for formality. Group of people, devs, were called in the office of the manager. I was included there, shocked, but I was standing beside a coworker when the manager announced that all of us are going to Hong Kong for collaboration with the people from the other company. To successfully understand their data and business differences with us-the system.

Shoot.

I-my team are assigned to convert the current system to an in-house front-end framework that the other company is using while maintaining the back-end system.

Good Lord. New beginnings nga pero parang...stressful naman?

I'm going to cry...

Wait, Liv, 'di ba nga, new job...new system...new problems. Lahat bago and everyone starts with nothing, but they could gain if they allowed themselves to learn? If you allow yourself to accept you know nothing, it easily to know where you should start. It's okay to fail. It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to feel that you're out of place. It's okay to feel something new. It's okay...it's really, really okay.

I sighed deeply, staring at the entrance of NAIA Terminal 1. Today is the day we are flying to Hong Kong. Hinigpitan ko ang kapit sa handle ng luggage ko habang napalunok sa pagtitig sa loob ng airport. People are so busy, lining up...chattering...walking...laughing...talking.

Shit. It is.

I am currently waiting at my coworker, si Jade. She is currently a senior to the company that is helping me adjusting with my set-up. She's bubbly and helpful. She will not feel you small when you know nothing. She's very helpful to me even I am doubting myself most of the time. Pero syempre sa sarili ko lang 'yon sinasabi. That I am disappointed with myself.

The low self-esteem is killing me slowly.

I sighed as I think about what will happen to Hong Kong.

What if...they hired me wrong? What if I am just bluffing my way to this company.

What the hell is wrong with me.

"Ate!" boses ng Mama ko, "'Yung gamot naman nasa hand-carry mo no?" tanong niya.

I was snapped at my own world. "Ah-eh," ang tanging nasabi ko hanggang sa nasagot ko na si Mama, "Oo, nandito na. Una na kayo, Ma, Pa. Naghihintay na si tito doon sa sasakyan. Dito rin naman kami magkikita nung kasamahan ko."

"Chat ka na lang kapag nakarating na kayo o hotel na, a," ani Papa, papalapit sa akin, sabay yakap.

"Sige po, Pa."