Worth it? || Jeongchan

I'll wait

Written: Mai 1st 2024 - November 26th 2024
Published: November 26th 2024

As soon as the message reached the Leader, Chan didn't hesitate one bit and got directly up, to go to the younger boy.

Arriving, Felix opened the door for him so Jeongin doesn't notice him arriving. Chan walks up the stairs, marching towards Jeongins room.

A soft knock was heard, catching the younger off guard. Unsure what to say, he decided to pretend to sleep, not wanted to be confronted by anyone.
"Jeongin it's me, Chan. Are you still up?" Jeongin perks up from under his blanket, not expecting to hear Chan's voice. He looks down, unsure what to do. Jeongin is so lost in thoughts, thinking about what to do, he doesn't hear the older boy entering the room.

"Jeongin," Chan called softly again. His voice was calm, almost too calm, and it made Jeongin's heart race. He kept still, lying on his side with his back to the door, trying his best to even out his breathing. Maybe if he stayed like this long enough, Chan would just leave. 

But, of course, that wasn't Chan. 

The bed dipped behind him, and Jeongin knew without turning around that Chan was sitting there now. He could feel the older's presence, heavy but somehow comforting. For a moment, nothing happened. It was just quiet, too quiet, and Jeongin hated how much it made him think.

"I know you're awake," Chan said finally. His voice was soft, but there was something unshakable in it, like he'd made up his mind about being here no matter what Jeongin said or did, like no matter what Jeongin would say, Chan knows it's a lie.

Jeongin's fingers curled into the blanket. He wanted to say something, anything, to make Chan leave, but no words came. His throat felt tight, and his chest ached in that way it always did now, like something was pressing down on him and wouldn't let go. He just couldn't tell Chan, not yet.

Chan shifted behind him, the bed creaking slightly under his weight. "I don't want to bother you," he said, quieter this time. "But... I'm worried about you, Innie." 

That word. Innie. It made Jeongin's eyes sting, and he hated himself for it. Chan had always called him that, always with so much warmth, but now it felt like a reminder of how much he'd been avoiding him, avoiding everyone, and he hated himself for that.

Still, he didn't move. 

"I know things have been hard, especially after you collapsed," Chan went on, his voice steady but a little hesitant, like he was choosing his words carefully. "I can't imagine what you're going through, but... I need you to know I'm here, okay? No matter what. You don't have to deal with everything by yourself. Just because where living in different places now doesn't mean I can't be there for you okay?" 

Jeongin clenched his jaw, staring at the wall in front of him. He hated how much those words got to him, how much they made his chest hurt. But even more than that, he hated how true they felt he knew Chan is right and he knows he's not okay. He hadn't been for a long time, but saying it out loud felt impossible. He shouldn't be bothering Chan with his stupid problems.

The silence stretched out between them again, but Chan didn't move. He just sat there, like he was waiting. And maybe that's what finally broke something in Jeongin. 

"I'm fine," he whispered, though even to his own ears it sounded weak, maybe even hollow. 

Chan didn't respond right away, and Jeongin almost thought he'd finally given up. But then he felt it, a hand, warm and steady, resting lightly on his shoulder. 

"No, you're not," Chan said softly. There was no judgment in his voice, no anger, just a quiet kind of sadness that made Jeongin's chest tighten all over again. Eyes watering from guilt.

He wanted to argue, to push Chan away like he always did, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, he just stayed there, frozen, trying to ignore the warmth of Chan's hand and the lump growing in his throat. 

"It's okay if you don't want to talk," Chan said after a moment, his hand still there, not moving. "I'll wait. As long as you need." 

That was it. No pressure, no expectations. Just Chan, sitting there like he always did, like he always would.

And for some reason, that made Jeongin's eyes sting even more.
How can someone be this respectful and accepting?

Enjoy
~Minso