Ich Liebe Dich, Lena ~ pt 2

☆ Thirty-Two ☆

I still couldn't speak during the night. It was 3am and I still hadn't said a word. . I went completely mute. I was holding Mirabella and I looked at Lando and looked into his eyes. I tried so hard to speak but there was still nothing. I went back to looking down at Mirabella and trying not to cry.

"I know this is hard for you, Lena. Just take your time and hold Mirabella. She'll help you relax. We'll get through this together, okay?" He said. I nodded and took out my phone to type something.

I'm trying really hard but I just can't speak and I'm scared... Lan, what is happening to me...?

Lando read what I typed out and looked at me. "It's okay, Lena. It's just your anxiety. We'll work through it together. Just try to focus on your breathing and Mirabella" he said. I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder. I needed to sleep at some point but I couldn't. Lando must have read up on people with anxiety because he went out of our bedroom and came back with a Monster Energy. He knew that some people with anxiety and depression can have different dopamine levels to others and caffeine can make those people more sleepy than awake so he knew we should try it. I took a sip and within 15 minutes I felt Lando taking Mirabella out of my arms and putting her back in her crib because I was definitely struggling to keep my eyes open. I fell asleep shortly after.

I woke up at about 11am and Lando told me that I had my first therapy session. I typed on my phone again and showed him.

I still can't speak... you're gonna have to speak for me...

Lando nodded and he logged on his laptop. I spent the whole session cuddling Lando's arm. I hated this. Lando basically spent the session just explaining my problems and getting tips on what's best to help me.

We flew out to England the day after that. Lando was finally going back to racing. His home race. I still hadn't spoken but Lando spoke to me and it wasn't awkward. He knew why I wasn't talking and he understood it.

"It's good to be back, isn't it, Lena? The smell of racing fuel, the sound of engines revving... it's almost like coming home" he said. I nodded while making sure that Mirabella had ear defenders on her. They were massive but she needed something. "I know it must be hard not being able to speak right now, but you're still here with me. That means the world to me. We'll get through this together, Lena, I promise" he said. I nodded and gave him half a heart with my fingers because I was holding Mirabella with my other arm. He filled the other half with his hand and he knew what I was saying from that heart.

I still hadn't spoken on Friday or Saturday. It came to Sunday and he was getting ready to get in the car. I still hadn't spoken. The race was amazing. He won!!! His second ever win. One at my home race and one at his. When he got out of the car he went straight to me and held me close.

"I'm so proud of you..." I said just above a whisper. I finally spoke.

"You spoke!!! Oh my god!!!" He said while holding me even tighter while I still had Mirabella in my arms. "I'm so proud of you, baby... god I've missed hearing your voice. I've been going crazy without hearing that gorgeous German accent" he said. He knew exactly how to make me blush. Daxie got brought over to us and she was licking Lando's face like crazy. I took Daxie from him and he took Mirabella in his arms.

"you need to go do your interviews... take Mira with you so you can brag about having the cutest daughter in the world" I said. He nodded and held Mirabella to his chest. He really was the best dad ever. The interviewer asked a few questions about the race and then focused on Mirabella.

"So, how does it feel to be a dad? Does it feel weird?"

"Not at all, she's been a part of our lives since the moment we found out. We've been waiting for this day for so long and now that she's here, we couldn't be happier. Fatherhood suits me well, I must say"

"What was it like finding out that she was going to be premature?"

"It was a scary moment, but Lena and I knew we had to stay strong for our little girl. We spent countless hours in the NICU, just praying for her health and well-being. And here she is today, thriving and beautiful" he said. I walked into frame with Daxie in my arms and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"She's a fighter and she pulled through. She's our little miracle" I said.

"She really is. Lena and I couldn't be more proud of her. And now that she's here, we're going to give her the best life possible. I just wanna say thank you for everything, Lena" he said while looking at me.

"I love you more than anything, Lan. Our little family... me, you, Daxie & Mirabella. we finally have the family we've always wanted"

"And I couldn't agree more" he said before kissing me.