(𝘾𝘼𝙉𝘾𝙀𝙇𝙇𝙀𝘿) random shitty thoughts at like 3 am/diary

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

this fucking week was shit.

i feel like shit.

THERE'S SO MUCHH FUCKING HAPPENING

fucking- so. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
MY FRIEND I FUCKING HATE THEM, I FUCKING LOVE THEM, i'm confused, i'm scared, i'm just-

I don't know anymore- they told me they're really good at manipulating, they've showed me. And i just don't fucking know anymore-

(unnecessary context, there is a relationship with a classmate and a friend's friend of mine, and they've told me that they don't love him, so they're planning on breaking up with him, they only got into the relationship because they begged them. And my friend (the one i was talking about earlier) is friends with the classmate, they sends me screenshots of their chats, and i showed them to the friend's friend. That resulted in kind of an argument, they didn't say anything to me, but sent me some messages)

i still don't know about the "what have you done" because i don't know what happened afterwards. But this happened after i told them irl about how they're gonna breakup, and they told him.

but yeah, it's been a few days (3), and i'm doing homework before i get a spam text from them

and i might, and probably am in the wrong. But i just don't know when they're actually talking to me. And at this point, i asked my brother (aka father figure) for help, and in the end after asking me some questions i just replied in-between kind of- i guess questioning tone. Because I don't know if they're doing this to be friends with me again, or actually sorry, and i'm torn between both.

(this might be a bit of a pity, but in our last relationship, our relationship ended because they offered to have some time appart because i was transitioning and didn't like that they had a lot of photos with me with long hair (they deleted them all btw). And in the end, after a month, they asked for one more month, and in the end when i asked what are we?, they asked me back, and me not wanting to push them, I said friends. And now i realise that was none of her fault- fuck)

okay nevermind, this is not going as i expected, i need to actually sit down and rethink what has happened between us. uhhhhhhhhhh-

i guess to lighten up the mood, here's a plate i'm currently making:

and here's a mother's day card that i made for my brother, because I didn't want to make one for my mom, but we were forced to still do it:

i'm going to cut this short, but the breakup between the two people is happening tomorrow, well technically today. And i kind of took a picture with the girlfriend, idk looks cool or something.

(I'll send it before the breakup, there's like 3 versions that we're gonna vote on tomorrow to send)

and now I've realised how much of an asshole i actually am. I'm going to go and probably not finish my homework, and maybe cry afterwards. (It's like 2 AM, i'm probably not gonna be able to get up for tomorrow)

I'll update the book about earlier updates some time later, i'm just going to go and post them later

uhh- until next time (574 words)

(not really relevant, but i just finally washed my binder, so it's gonna be a bit uncomfortable not wearing it for a few days, and i fucking hate that, because an old friend invited me to have sleepover with them after we hang out, and i don't want to stink)

May 3rd 2024