I truly did love you. I was (and still am) young and naive, but I did love you. I did not believe that it would ever end. You never want your first love to end. You always believe it is forever. But it is exactly that, a first love. I will restate; I truly loved you, I still do. Nothing I have ever felt was the same as the feeling I had when I was with you. I loved you and I will love a next person, and a next. I will love as many people as I can, because you were only my first. The difference is that every feeling, every touch, every word, every kiss, with you was the first. I may do the same things with others, but I will remember it with you. I will have moments with others that remind me of you.
I actually remember a moment after we broke up. I was walking in Hyde Park, taking in the sun of that unusually nice day in London. Nothing ever felt so serene. I was people-watching as I was strolling along the path and I came across a heart warming sight. There was this lovely couple and the boy was holding his girl in a hugging position with one arm on her back, while softly and slowly circling his hand in a comforting motion. I felt it. I could feel the ghost of your hand on my back. I felt my heart drop to my shoes. It was all so sudden. All so unexpected. The feeling of your soft movement came back to me. Another was when a middle school couple, obviously their first time being alone together, were going to the movies together. She was awkwardly standing next to him as he was paying for her popcorn and she had a slight hint of pink on her cheeks as she stared at her boyfriend. I smiled to myself as I imagined how that was the same look I must have had on my face when I looked at you.
Of course, there are a few other moments of nostalgic romance that pass in my life That is why I believe that first loves never end. They continue in our minds, in our hidden subconscious. There is no end to the wonderful fantasies and thoughts. It might have ended in the literal sense. When passing each other in the hallway or on the street there might be an awkward air of uncomfortableness, but in our subconscious mind there is still that childish love. So, yes, I still love you, and yes, I wish I were still with you. Unfortunately, I have grown, and with growing comes new loves. But please know, our first love will never truly end.
