A breakup always hurts, they say. A breakup makes you mature emotionally, they say. Tom always believed them.
Now, he was single for two days and a half, and he felt like an empty, emotionally crippled mess and behaved like a baby.
He called his mum twice a day.
He even called his dad. His father, that is. His real father, the man that had produced him, the man that he had noted down as "Peter" in his phone.
There was a number with the name "Dad" there too, but he hadn't called it since... months. Years?
Jade had been that bumper between his needy, little finger and that green button he could press to call him.
And now that she was gone, Tom realised that he probably had misjudged, downplayed and ignored his feelings towards that man for too long.
For far too long.
"Fuck. I'm a sick nutter..." Those words came out of his mouth a bit shakily and accompanied with tears.
But then again: he was crying a lot these days.
"Sick, little baby..."
Exactly.
They first met when Tom was 14. He still remembered how excited he was to meet him because he knew that they would work very closely together. He would have a lot of scenes with an actual, grown-up actor, and, in comparison to the previous film, it would be just him and Jason in the first one.
He still remembered how completely in awe he was when he had seen Jason act for the first time. Well, he still was today. But back then, it was just so amazing. How he switched from this sweet, lovely man to a cold and distant Lucius in the blink of an eye. How he could tell him the silliest story in one minute and then tell him off with a harsh "Don't touch that, Draco!" in the next second.
"I'm so sorry, darling. Are you alright? I didn't know that the snake's fangs were so sharp!"
Jason came over to him immediately after the director had yelled "Cut!" They were filming in Borgin and Burkes and Lucius had just stopped Draco from touching a dark magical artefact by bringing down his cane on his hand. It was very sharp, and Tom actually had to bite back some tears.
"No, don't worry," he replied, a bit shaken, "It – it was good for the scene..."
"Oh, but it's bleeding! Come on, love, let's get that fixed, hm?"
He gently took him by the arm and Tom melted into his hug as he led him over to the paramedics.
The next time after this film they met on the Harry Potter set was when Tom was 17 – Jesus, how time had flown back then...
He was a young man by then, he was a star, he had snogged a girl and questioned himself if his penis was too small or his mouth too big.
But the way he melted into Jason's hugs hadn't changed at all.
Well, maybe there was a difference.
Tom hadn't seen his father for two and a half years then, and the way Jason touched him, patted him, ruffled his hair, shoved him around – was there for him, had Tom longing for him to – to be always there for him like that. Not just on set, not just those three months.
He wanted him in his life.
"I want you in my life." It was one of his silly little lyrics, but he felt so proud when he wrote them down and went on to the next chord.
